Editor’s note: This “best-of” Helen Dennis column was first published in 2019.

Q. I am 82, in relatively good health, quite active and continue to drive. I have wonderful, loving children who clearly have my best interest in mind. However, I feel they are overprotective and are falling into the trap of becoming helicopter children. They remind me on what I should pack for a trip, point out a step I might not see and ask me if I need the restroom before leaving their house. Recently I was out for the evening and forgot my cellphone. My daughter could not find me and called several of my friends, raising their concern and worry. Any suggestions on how to approach this without appearing ungrateful?

— B.D.

A. You have identified a fine line for your children between genuine concern and respect for your independence. Their overriding concern is likely one of safety. Let’s look at some of the facts that may increase your understanding of their actions.

Packing for a trip: Preparing for extreme weather is important. We know that older adults, in general, do not adjust to sudden changes in temperature. They are more likely to have a chronic medical condition or take prescription drugs that affect their body’s response to heat and cold. Forgetting a warm jacket or a cool blouse could affect their health. Note that forgetting one’s lipstick is not quite as important.

Needing a restroom: This is a bit more personal. Normal urinary frequency also depends on how much fluid you drink in a day and the types of fluid that you drink. It is not uncommon to pass urine more frequently in later life, partly due to age-related changes in the bladder muscle. Assuming there is no bladder problem, your adult daughter may be thinking about a long drive home with nowhere to stop for a restroom.

Pointing out stairs: This is a big one. Falls are an enemy for older adults. Here is what we know. One in 45 Americans 65 or older falls each year. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that among older adults, falls are the leading cause of fatal injuries; they are the most common cause of nonfatal, trauma-related admissions to hospitals. And falls happen frequently. Every 11 seconds, on average, an older adult is treated in the emergency room for a fall; every 19 minutes an older adult dies from a fall. Bringing to your attention a dip in the sidewalk or a stair not easily visible has some rationale behind it.

They cannot find me: For many reasons, society in general does not feel as safe as it did in past years. We read the headlines of some older adults being confused, getting lost or being taken advantage of by others. There are few if any headlines of a healthy older adult just disappearing. Yet, a family member not knowing where you are is similar to the worried parent whose child has the car and doesn’t come home until 3 a.m. The AAA Foundation for Driver Safety reports that people 80 or older have the highest rates of driver deaths; drivers 60-69 are the safest, by most of the measures that were examined.

Your reaction to children’s hovering is understandable. Their suggestions might be perceived as a message that you are not capable of looking after yourself, that you are unaware of risks that can be harmful, and therefore you need some help. And yet, it is likely their intention is one of concern for your safety.

It might be time to have a conversation with your children. Before that chat, think about the “heads up” tips that your children are offering that might be useful.

Someone pointing out ways to avoid a fall may be a gift, given what we know about the incidence and consequences of falls in later life. You might offer a thank you. Issues of packing for a trip and restroom stops seem of a lesser order. As to not knowing your physical location — here’s a simple solution. Send an emoji (a computer-based smiley face icon) when you arrive at your destination and when you get home. In between these two signs, send a quick email that indicates all is well. These small signs can allay fears and prevent phone calls to others to determine, “Where’s my mother?”

B.D., thank you for your candor and important question. Consider having that conversation with your children, indicating your appreciation for their caring while identifying those areas where you don’t feel the need for their consultation and oversight.

Best wishes for a continuing good relationship with your children and a healthy balance between independence and accepting acts of caring.

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and retirement, with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her at facebook.com/SuccessfulAging Community.