Dear Readers: This column originally ran in 2019 but I received a similar question from a reader so am republishing this previous column. Enjoy!

Q My dad is super independent but, as he is getting up there in years, he is also becoming kind of a push over — particularly with women. Mom died years ago and he now has some younger women coming by to “visit.” I worry that he is either giving them money or making them loans. In fact, he told me that he made a loan to “a girlfriend” and she has yet to pay him back. That same woman is now driving around a sporty new car! He is resentful and resistant if my sister or I ask to see his bank accounts or otherwise inquire about his finances. He thinks we are only interested in what we will inherit! I love my dad and the fact is that we just do not want him taken advantage of — help!

A This is a difficult position and, unfortunately, not uncommon. You and your sister want to help, but dad still feels independent and, let’s face it, he wants to continue feeling like a man. As caring adult children, you want to be respectful of his independence and manhood, but you also want to be sure that he is not giving away his money — money he may need to live on. You are in a tight spot, indeed.

Sometimes adult children are not the best people to be involved in a parent’s finances. As you point out, he becomes resentful and thinks you are only interested in your eventual inheritance if you express concern about his finances. The remedy, in your case, could come from getting help from outside professionals.

First, contact Adult Protective Services to see if making a report is feasible. The “younger women” may just be friends but once money is loaned or given, it crosses a line and could be deemed elder financial abuse. APS is an excellent organization committed to helping seniors live safely and with dignity. The social workers with APS will contact your dad and attempt to conduct a risk assessment.If your father complies, they will gather information and, if a crime has been or is being committed, they will cross report to law enforcement.

APS will also develop a plan to help your dad remove himself from situations that are potentially detrimental.

Finally, APS has information on resources available in our community that may be helpful to your dad. Your report to APS can remain confidential and APS will not disclose who made the report.

Once the immediate risk is addressed, you may want to find a professional through your attorney, tax preparer or a trusted money manager who will work with your dad to evaluate his finances on a regular basis.

The professional can watch over his accounts to be sure he is not recklessly giving away or “lending” money and the professional can also be sure that there are resources in place so your dad can continue to comfortably support himself.

We walk a fine line in trying to help our parents as they age. It is important to support them in their continued independence, but it is imperative that we prevent or stop any financial abuse.

Liza Horvath has more than 30 years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is the president of Monterey Trust Management, a financial and trust management company. This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. Questions? Email liza@montereytrust.com or call (831)646-5262