When Joshua Diehl thinks of his older sister, Amanda Diehl Borgia, he thinks of love, friendship, faith, excellence and her death.
Speaking Monday at the 23rd annual Silent March and Candlelight Vigil for St. Jude House in Crown Point, the tears are still fresh and ever-present for him and his family.
“August 24, 2018, our world was forever changed. My sister, Amanda Borgia was brutally murdered,” Diehl said of his 35-year-old sister. “It struck so quickly, brutally and unbelievably. With so much life left, she’s now gone just like that, no take-backs. That’s the harsh reality. Pain and loss is the reason we’re here.
“The world needs more love. I pray something good can rise out of tragedy.”
Amanda Borgia’s husband, Joseph Borgia, has been charged in her death.
St. Jude House volunteer Denise Recker told the crowd her story may not be as extreme as others, but she’s learned in talking with shelter clients that comparing each other’s pain is one of the quickest ways victims make excuses for an abusive person’s behavior.
“Abuse is generational, and it starts early on. One of the things I ask is, ‘When did you lose your value?’ ” Recker said. “We think this is all we deserve and that it really isn’t that bad. And abusers don’t believe they’re abusing: ‘It only happened like this.’ ”
Recker added that one of the ways abusers and victims can start to heal themselves is if they accept responsibility for seeing the situation as it really is. “Physical abuse is very reactionary. All that pent-up anger and hurt, we take it out on our those closest to us. But nothing happens from blame. We have to accept personal responsibility. The truth sets us free.”
Survivor Melinda Kunst of Newton County said she met her ex-husband at 15, and even though he was treating her badly, she married him.
Things got much worse after that, she said, and she spent many years considering suicide.
“I tried to leave for more than 20 years, but I never could. I believed he would change,” she said.
Crown Point police Chief Pete Land said his department enlisted St. Jude House staff in reviewing and revising its domestic violence policy and told the crowd it was OK for them to be loud and get involved when they suspect a friend or loved one might be experiencing abuse. Abuse may not be obvious on the surface, but most people’s instincts are spot-on if they feel something isn’t right.
“You have a friend — ‘You know, what happened to them? We never see them anymore’ — you need to get involved,” Land said. “There is always something you can do, and we can’t fail, because when we do, (death) is what happens.”
Along with Borgia, the vigil paid tribute to Sheretha Stevens and Nicole Lopez-Mendez, two other women who died in domestic violence situations this year.
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