Dear Abby >> My stepdaughter, “Allie,” (whom I’ve raised as my own since she was 2), has banned my 39-year-old daughter’s 19-year-old girlfriend “Taylor” from coming to her house for the holidays. She dislikes that Taylor is 20 years younger than her sister. Because of this, I decided to celebrate the holidays at my house instead of hers.

My husband had a massive stroke four years ago, and it is difficult for him to spend much time away from home. Because Taylor would be there, Allie decided not to be present. She hung up on both of us when we tried to discuss the situation with her, and we haven’t spoken to her since.

My sister-in-law told my husband we need to reach out to Allie so we “have no regrets.” We declined because Allie has always been a diva who lies and manipulates to get her way. How should this be handled? At this point, I want to say I’m done because I don’t feel we should be the ones to apologize.

— Welcoming in Louisiana

Dear Welcoming >> Ask yourself this, and answer the question honestly: If Allie were hit by a truck tomorrow, would you regret that you hadn’t reached out to her? If the answer is no, stand pat. If the answer is yes, continue inviting her to holiday events and give her the opportunity to grow up and be gracious. The choice is yours; it shouldn’t be your sister-in-law’s, whose business this isn’t.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.