Dear Eric: My 26-year-old grandson has never held a job. Three years ago, he earned a master’s degree. Despite his achievement, he engages in all-night computer gaming, sleeps during the day and lacks motivation to seek employment.

His father is out of the picture and his mother, my daughter, maintains him in every way. She loves him and seems hesitant to address the situation directly.

While she works and manages the household, I occasionally assist, which I don’t mind doing. However, I feel that my assistance inadvertently reinforces his destructive behavior. I would appreciate any suggestions on how to help this individual break free from his detrimental routine.

— Concerned Grandfather

Dear Grandfather: You have the opportunity, as someone who is a helpful, consistent presence, to have a frank conversation with your grandson. I’d encourage you to take it. You can ask, “What is your plan for employment? Are there obstacles standing in your way? Would you like some advice? Are there specific areas in which you’d like my help?” And then listen to his answers. They’ll be very telling, one way or another.

He may tell you he’s looked and he can’t find anything. He may say that it was different for you when you were his age and you don’t understand what he’s facing. It surely was different, but we all have the privilege of and the obligation to live in reality.

Go into this conversation with curiosity rather than demands, knowing that his expectations may not match your expectations. He will trust you more as a coach, mentor and resource if you listen to what his goals for himself are and help him chart a path toward achieving those goals.

Similarly, you might ask your daughter if she’s open to opinions about her son. It does sound like this is an enabling situation. But removing the enabling without identifying a goal is just going to cause conflict.

The three of you are all adults who are capable of making your own decisions. Sometimes we have to let our loved ones make a choice that doesn’t benefit them — this goes for your daughter and your grandson.

However, you can have the most impact by working with her and with him to set new goals for employment and engagement in the house’s affairs and then holding him to them.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.