Dear Eric >> My friend Glenda recently got engaged to a man she’s only known for nine months. I’m certain she would have married him after much less because he fits in with what an ideal or “fairytale” life looks like. She is very much a “look at me” person on social media, and having a partner after being single for so long is a real moment for her.

This man has really only hung out with her parents and kids, but not really any of her close friends. The only time he has spent time with her friends, he didn’t really engage with us/them at all, and there has always been an excuse to cut the visit short.

A few of her friends — including me — think that she’s jumping into a relationship/marriage with him too quickly because it’s a pattern behavior for her, but she swears she’s in love and her future is with this guy. It’s truly hard to be happy for a friend’s engagement when I’d have a hard time picking him out of a lineup.

This has caused a bit of strain in our friendship, which had been a bit distant in the last couple of years as it were, and I’m feeling a bit lost. I don’t feel like she would be open to a conversation about my concerns, nor do I honestly care to have said conversation. At this point, I’d rather just let the friendship fizzle. However, it’s a bit difficult in that I’m in a friend group (and group text) where the others don’t want to rock the boat, so are pretending that our friendship is where it’s always been. What are my options here?

— Friends vs. Fiancé

Dear Friends >> It sounds like this engagement is the last straw for you in a friendship that isn’t working on either side anymore. That happens sometimes — two people grow apart, and a quality that once was easy to overlook becomes an inflection point.

From your letter, it seems your friend’s focus on appearances is the quality that’s an issue. It also seems that you know the root of the problem — possibly insecurity or loneliness.

Try to reframe your thinking by remembering that we don’t always have to agree with our friends’ choices and that the journeys they’re on are different from ours. This could make the group friendship and text chain more bearable. But, if you can’t stomach your other friends pretending that everything is fine, it may be time to detach with love from the group.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com