Thirty years ago, I wrote my first “Remember Frankie” essay. It is my annual “mother’s remembrance” of my younger son Frankie Poulos, who was killed in a crossover collision on Highway 37 on Jan. 11, 1993.
Some days, 31 years feels like a very long time. Other days it feels like just yesterday that Frankie said, “Bye, love ya, call ya when we get to Tahoe.” I said, “Love you, too” and went back to sleep.
I did not know it at the time but that was the last “I love you” we would exchange. Later that morning while driving to work, I heard a traffic report on KCBS about a fatal car accident on Highway 37. I felt a forceful jolt at that moment. Mothers know when their child is in danger. I knew it was Frankie.
The days and weeks that followed are pretty much a blur. We were lucky to be surrounded with a loving family and friends in those early days. As that constant support waned and people got on with their lives, we needed to find solid ground to stand on.
At first, shock protected me from my overwhelming sense of loss. Slowly but surely, I begin to thaw. That is when the reality of living without that person begins. There is no right way to grieve.
If you are reading this and you have lost someone, I would like to share the best advice we received. The psychologist we saw soon after his death said, “The worst thing that can happen to you has happened. Do not listen to anyone — not even me.”
That advice served us well. We listened to what our love for him urged us to do. Frankie’s father, Jim Poulos, led us out of the darkness. In partnership with Jeff Prugh then the IJ Opinion page editor (as well as his then-assistant and successor Brad Breithaupt), plus then-state Sen. Mike Thompson and then-Assemblymember Kerry Mazzoni, Frankie’s dad fought successfully to convince the California Department of Transportation to install a concrete median barrier on Highway 37. As a result of their leadership and persistence, on June 16, 1995, Caltrans agreed and announced that the roadway would get a concrete barrier. Jim said at the time, “If it was an accident, I will let it go. But if it could have been prevented, I will devote my life to making sure it never happens again to someone else.”
From 1991 to 1995, 28 fatal crossover accidents occurred on that deadly 10-mile stretch. Since the barrier was installed, crossover fatal collisions have ceased. This is a testament to what can happen when competent, caring and committed people work together.
Inspired by Jim’s work on Highway 37 in 1994, Frankie’s friends and family created the Frankie Poulos Foundation. Its annual fundraising campaign — fueled by hope — has inspired people from all over the world to become one of Frankie’s Angels. Hope is a universal language.
When donations come in from nine countries thousands of miles away to the Frankie Poulos Foundation in Novato, it is hope for the future of the world through our children that inspired them. As of this writing, over $400,000 has been raised for nonprofit youth organizations in the Novato community where Frankie grew up. These organizations dedicate themselves to the development of young people and they need our support.
On behalf of Austin Wondolowski, the foundation’s vice president, Jim Poulos (treasurer), Jimmy Poulos (brother), Melissa Anderson (sister-in-law), the Emily Gates (godmother) family and me, please accept our heartfelt thanks and gratitude for your generous community support in Frankie’s memory.
I end every year by asking that you simply remember Frankie.
Kelly Poulos of Santa Rosa is president of the Frankie Poulos Foundation. For more information about the organization, go to frankiepoulos.org.