Dear Abby >> My husband and I are the parents of three grown sons. Our middle son (“Kurt,” age 29) has been in conflict with his younger brother (“Jared,” age 26) for more than a year. Kurt started doing stand-up comedy but still works a day job to pay his bills. Jared now has also started doing comedy. We suspect the disagreement started well before they did stand-up, but now there is name-calling, and both refuse to be in the same room as the other.

Kurt has not attended a family gathering where Jared is in attendance for more than a year. Recently, Kurt said he would attend our holidays and could be civil, but now Jared says he won’t be in the same room with him since they have had no dialogue, and the personal attacks were not addressed. He wants Kurt to be held accountable.

They had one joint counseling session. Both found it counterproductive. My sons are adults, and we can’t tell them how to live their lives. Kurt wants Jared to quit comedy because he feels it is an invasion of his life as well as his friend circle. Kurt has said mean things to these shared friends. Jared has apologized to Kurt for his past behavior, which included excessive drinking and other destructive activities.

As you can imagine, we don’t find any of this funny. We, as parents, don’t know how to handle this. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

— Parents in Turmoil in Ohio

Dear Parents >> YOU can’t fix this. Your sons are adults and will have to reach a detente on their own. Continue to invite both of your sons to family gatherings, and hope that eventually Jared will mellow. Comedy is a tough field. May the best comedian be left standing.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.