“This is what democracy looks like!” We raised our signs and chanted. However, I believe this is NOT what democracy looks like. On Saturday, I attended the Boulder “No Kings” protest. Thousands here joined millions across America to protest Trump’s tyrannical power grab. It was truly awesome but also disturbing.

On January 21, 2017, one day into Trump’s first term as president, I took my children to Denver to show them what democracy looks like. We packed into our minivan with other moms and kids to march with thousands of others against Trump’s disgusting and disrespectful treatment of women. I saw friends, students and strangers standing up for what they believe in. I told my children that this is how a representative democracy works. My backpack carried water bottles and snacks, and my heart was full of possibility and pride.

On Saturday, my child, who is now a young adult, told me that she was not attending her local protest because she was “too scared.” My dear friend, who is very active politically, said she was not attending the protest because she has young kids at home to consider. At this protest, instead of cat ears on their heads, many people hid their faces with balaclavas. Is being afraid to assemble and exercise free speech what democracy looks like? I hope not. On Saturday, my backpack carried a bandana, a hat, long sleeves and glasses in case of tear gas, and my heart was full of dread and disgust.

I recognize that most of the protests across the country last weekend were peaceful and not met with the National Guard or U.S. Marines. I didn’t need my bandana. I also recognize that protests that have been met with fierce and violent opposition have spurred change throughout history. But, I believe, that is not what democracy should look like. When millions of voters (and future voters) stand up to speak out through demonstrations, protests, social media posts, letters and phone calls, and many more are afraid to do so, our elected officials should respond, not ignore us, not fight us. Do we have to wait for violence and escalation on either side before Congress is willing to represent the people? Or do we stop standing up for what we believe in for fear of retaliation? Is this what democracy looks like? I’d like to believe that our elected leaders will rise up and represent the millions of people calling for an end to the destruction of our Constitution, our economy, our global reputation, and our collective humanity, but I fear nothing will change.

I am a mother and a teacher. I notice kids and see teachable moments everywhere I look. One day into Trump’s first term, I saw thousands of children learning what democracy looks like. One-hundred forty-five days into Trump’s second term, in a crowd of thousands, I saw only one child. One. And to be honest, I think that family was lost. Actually, I think we are all lost.

Carole Brandt lives in Louisville.