Dear Amy >> My dear grandma recently passed in a rather traumatic way. This has been devastating for our family (I’m an adult, by the way).

One of my best friends attended the entire funeral service, which meant a lot to me. Another best friend didn’t come at all, and expressed her sympathy via text.

My sister thinks it’s unnecessary for a friend to attend a service if they didn’t know the relative who died.

I disagree.

Am I old-fashioned?

— N

Dear N >> You’re not old-fashioned; you’re grieving.

Unfortunately, experiencing a loss like yours is often the primary way that any of us learn how important it is to actually “show up” for a funeral.

People are weird about funerals. Either they don’t know, don’t understand, or are extremely averse to attending a funeral — possibly because of their own negative experiences.

Your reaction is not uncommon.

After a traumatic loss, survivors can sometimes fixate on those who don’t show up, don’t go through the receiving line, don’t express their condolences in expected ways ... or at all.

Your sister’s opinion is that only those who personally knew the deceased need to attend a funeral. Now that you’ve been through this, you understand that funerals are honoring the deceased but for the survivors.

Contact Amy Dickinson via email, askamy@amydickinson.com.