Q: My sister and I stayed with our mom at her home for the last three weeks of her life. When she passed, my sister and I contacted the social security administration, closed her safe deposit box and her post office box. We also took the items of personal property we were entitled to under her trust and cleared out all the old files Mom had. My mom had appointed a professional fiduciary as her trustee. When we let the fiduciary know that mom had passed and all the steps we had taken, we thought she would be pleased. Instead, she was quite upset! She has asked us to return the personal property or, at least, make an inventory of the things we took and be prepared to return them if asked.

We are both upset at the fiduciary’s response and, on top of grieving our mother, this has made it even more difficult. Can you explain to me what we did wrong and why the fiduciary was not happy with our actions?

A: There is little doubt that you and your sister had the best of intentions and it would seem that the professional fiduciary should be pleased. However, your mom asked a professional to take care of things after she passed, and she probably made that choice for a reason.

The job of the trustee when administering an estate after someone has passed can be a lot of work so perhaps your mom wanted to “offload” that work to someone who does this kind of thing day in and day out.

Fiduciaries become very efficient at their jobs and can, usually, do an excellent job to smoothly administer the estate.

Alternatively, your mom may have suspected there might be some challenges in the disposition of the estate due to either the assets or the relationships between the beneficiaries. After a loved parent passes, the children are grieving.

In addition to the grief and depending on the family structure and relationships between siblings, other emotions often come into play.

In blended families where parents have kids from prior marriages, it is not uncommon for feelings of distrust to surface after both parents have died and now the step-siblings are made to interact with each other.

There can be questions about what belonged to dad and what belonged to mom and where that property “should” go.

When a trustee steps in, their initial duty is to determine what assets (including personal property) are on hand and what the trust states is to be done with the assets.

The trustee sends out copies of the trust and information about the assets to all those involved, and this triggers a period during which someone can voice any objections to the trust document or how assets are to be distributed.

If a dispute arises, the trustee will make every effort to settle these kinds of disputes and keep issues from escalating.

If they cannot, certain legal actions can be taken to agreeably settle disputes. If you have already taken the assets, it makes the job that much more challenging. By clearing out your mother’s “old files” you undermined the trustee’s ability to complete her work. The trustee needs to know what bills may be outstanding and she needs historical information about assets. Also, depending on the time of year, she may need to address tax filing immediately and some of this information may have been in the files you removed. My recommendation to children is to contact the named trustee at the earliest opportunity. If you realize that death is imminent, notify the trustee. This way, the trustee can review the files she has on your mother and attempt to collect any information needed for a smooth administration.

Again, your intentions were good, and it could be that your actions helped you and your sister begin to process your grief. However, it may have made the trustee’s job a bit more challenging.

Liza Horvath has over 30 years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is the president of Monterey Trust Management, a financial and trust management company. This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. If you have a question call (831)646-5262 or email liza@montereytrust.com