KYIV, Ukraine >> One Russian soldier tells his mother that the young Ukrainians dead from his first firefight looked just like him. Another explains to his wife that he’s drunk because alcohol makes it easier to kill civilians. A third wants his girlfriend to know that in all the horror, he dreams about just being with her.

About 2,000 secret recordings of intercepted conversations between Russian soldiers in Ukraine and their loved ones back home offer a harrowing new perspective on Vladimir Putin’s year-old war. There is a human mystery at the heart of this conversations heard in intercepted phone calls: How do people raised with a sense of right and wrong end up accepting and perpetrating terrible acts of violence?

The AP identified calls made in March 2022 by soldiers in a military division that Ukrainian prosecutors say committed war crimes in Bucha, a town outside Kyiv that became an early symbol of Russian atrocities.

They show how deeply unprepared young soldiers — and their country — were for the war to come. Many joined the military because they needed money and were informed of their deployment at the last minute. They were told they’d be welcomed as heroes for liberating Ukraine from its Nazi oppressors and their Western backers, and that Kyiv would fall without bloodshed within a week.

The intercepts also show that as soldiers realized how much they’d been misled, they grew more and more afraid. Violence that once would have been unthinkable became normal. Looting and drinking offered moments of rare reprieve. Some said they were following orders to kill civilians or prisoners of war.

They tell their mothers what this war actually looks like: About the teenage Ukrainian boy who got his ears cut off. How the scariest sound is not the whistle of a rocket flying past, but the silence that means it’s coming directly for you. How modern weapons can obliterate the human body so there’s nothing left to bring home.

We listen as their mothers struggle to reconcile their pride and their horror, and as their wives and fathers beg them not to drink too much and to please, please call home.

The AP spoke with the mother of Leonid. The AP verified these calls with the help of the Dossier Center, an investigative group in London funded by Russian dissident Mikhail Khodorkovsky. The conversations have been edited for length and clarity.

In a joint production on Saturday, Feb. 25, The Associated Press and Reveal from the Center for Investigative Reporting will broadcast never-before-heard audio of Russian soldiers as they confront — and perpetrate — the brutality of Russia’s war in Ukraine.

Leonid

Leonid became a soldier because he needed money. He was in debt and didn’t want to depend on his parents.

“I just wasn’t prepared emotionally for my child to go to war at the age of 19,” his mother told the AP in January. “None of us had experienced anything like this, that your child would live in a time when he has to go and fight.”

Leonid’s mother said Russia needs to protect itself from its enemies. But, like many others, she expected Russia to take parts of eastern Ukraine quickly. Instead, Leonid’s unit got stuck around Bucha.

“No one thought it would be so terrible,” his mother said. “My son just said one thing: ‘My conscience is clear. They opened fire first.’ That’s all.”

In the calls, there is an obvious moral dissonance between the way Leonid’s mother raised him and what he is seeing and doing in Ukraine. Still, she defended her son, insisting he never even came into contact with civilians in Ukraine.

She said everything was calm, civil. There was no trouble at the checkpoints. Nothing bad happened. The war didn’t change her son.

She declined to listen to any of the intercepts: “This is absurd,” she said. “Just don’t try to make it look like my child killed innocent people.”

Kill if you don’t want to be killed

Leonid’s introduction to war came on Feb. 24, as his unit crossed into Ukraine from Belarus and decimated a detachment of Ukrainians at the border. After his first fight, Leonid seems to have compassion for the young Ukrainian soldiers they’d just killed.

Mother: “When did you get scared?”

Leonid: “When our commander warned us we would be shot, 100%. He warned us that although we’d be bombed and shot at, our aim was to get through.”

Mother: “Did they shoot you?”

Leonid: “Of course. We defeated them.”

Mother: “Mhm. Did you shoot from your tanks?”

Leonid: “Yeah, we did. We shot from the tanks, machine guns and rifles. We had no losses. We destroyed their four tanks. There were dead bodies lying around and burning. So, we won.”

Mother: “Oh what a nightmare! Lyonka, you wanted to live at that moment, right honey?”

Leonid: “More than ever!”

Mother: “More than ever, right honey?”

Leonid: “Of course.”

Mother: “It’s totally horrible.”

Leonid: “They were lying there, just 18 or 19 years old. Am I different from them? No, I’m not.”

The rules of normal life no longer apply

Leonid tells his mother their plan was to seize Kyiv within a week, without firing a single bullet. Instead, his unit started taking fire near Chernobyl. They had no maps and the Ukrainians had taken down all the road signs.

“It was so confusing,” he says. “They were well prepared.”

Not expecting a prolonged attack, Russian soldiers ran short on basic supplies. One way for them to get what they needed — or wanted — was to steal.

Many soldiers, including Leonid, talk about money with the wary precision that comes from not having enough. Some take orders from friends and family for certain-sized shoes and parts for specific cars, proud to go home with something to give.

When Leonid tells his mother casually about looting, at first she can’t believe he’s stealing. But it’s become normal for him.

As he speaks, he watches a town burn on the horizon.

“Such a beauty,” he says.

Leonid: “Look, mom, I’m looking at tons of houses — I don’t know, dozens, hundreds — and they’re all empty. Everyone ran away.”

Mother: “So all the people left, right? You guys aren’t looting them, are you? You’re not going into other people’s houses?”

Leonid: “Of course we are, mom. Are you crazy?”

Mother: “Oh, you are. What do you take from there?”

Leonid: “We take food, bed linen, pillows. Blankets, forks, spoons, pans.”

Mother: (laughing) “You gotta be kidding me.”

Leonid: “Whoever doesn’t have any — socks, clean underwear, T-shirts, sweaters.”

The enemy is everybody

Leonid tells his mother about the terror of going on patrol and not knowing what or who they will encounter. He describes using lethal force at the slightest provocation against just about anyone.

At first, she seems not to believe that Russian soldiers could be killing civilians.

Leonid tells her that civilians were told to flee or shelter in basements, so anyone who was outside must not be a real civilian. Russian soldiers had been told, by Putin and others, that they’d be greeted as liberators and anyone who resisted was a fascist, an insurgent — not a real civilian.

This was a whole-of-society war. Mercy was for suckers.

Mother: “Oh Lyonka, you’ve seen so much stuff there!”

Leonid: “Well ... civilians are lying around right on the street with their brains coming out.”

Mother: “Oh God, you mean the locals?”

Leonid: “Yep. Well, like, yeah.”

Mother: “Are they the ones you guys shot or the ones ... “

Leonid: “The ones killed by our army.”

Mother: “Lyonya, they might just be peaceful people.”

Leonid: “Mom, there was a battle. And a guy would just pop up, you know? Maybe he would pull out a grenade launcher ... Or we had a case, a young guy was stopped, they took his cellphone. He had all this information about us in his Telegram messages — where to bomb, how many we were, how many tanks we have. And that’s it.”

Mother: “So they knew everything?”

Leonid: “He was shot right there on the spot.”

Mother: “Mhm.”

Leonid: “He was 17 years old. And that’s it, right there.”

Mother: “Mhm.”

Leonid: “There was a prisoner. It was an 18-year-old guy. First, he was shot in his leg. Then his ears were cut off. After that, he admitted everything, and they killed him.”

Mother: “Did he admit it?”

Leonid: “We don’t imprison them. I mean, we kill them all.”

Mother: “Mhm.”

What it takes to get home alive

Leonid tells his mother he was nearly killed five times. Things are so disorganized, he says, that it’s not uncommon for Russians to fire on their own troops — it even happened to him. Some soldiers shoot themselves just to get medical leave, he says.

In another call, he tells his girlfriend he’s envious of his buddies who got shot in the feet and could go home. “A bullet in your foot is like four months at home with crutches,” he says. “It would be awesome.”

Then he hangs up because of incoming fire.

Mother: “Hello, Lyonechka.”

Leonid: “I just wanted to call you again. I am able to speak.”

Mother: “Oh, that’s good.”

Leonid: “There are people out here who shoot themselves.”

Mother: “Mhm.”

Leonid: “They do it for the insurance money. You know where they shoot themselves?”

Mother: “That’s silly, Lyonya.”

Leonid: “The bottom part of the left thigh.”

Mother: “It’s bull——, Lyonya. They’re crazy, you know that, right?”

Leonid: “Some people are so scared that they are ready to harm themselves just to leave.”

Mother: “Yeah, it is fear, what can you say here, it’s human fear. Everybody wants to live. I don’t argue with that, but please don’t do that. We all pray for you. You should cross yourself any chance you get, just turn away from everyone and do it. We all pray for you. We’re all worried.”