Dear Eric >> I was an attorney when I started having memory problems at age 65. I retired and subsequently learned that I had a devastating rare dementia with a very short lifespan. Instead of providing me support, my friends disappeared from my life, at the time I needed them most. Friends may rally around you when you have cancer, driving you to chemo treatments, dropping off food and other things to support you; when you have dementia, everyone just disappears.

I’ve always been a sociable person and I’m missing that so much, but I have no idea how or where to start. Any ideas?

— Left By Friends

Dear Friends >> People sometimes don’t know what to do or say when confronted with illness, but that’s no excuse for your friends’ behavior and I’m sorry. The Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) has a wealth of resources for people with dementia, including support groups, both online and in-person. Being able to talk with others about what you’re experiencing and feeling will help with isolation.

This also might be a time for you to explore new volunteer opportunities or social groups that have nothing to do with dementia, depending on your care plan and abilities. You are a person who is worthy of connection, with a wealth of experiences and knowledge from which others can benefit. Your company would be welcomed at a senior center, a local outing group or an organization that aligns with your interests and values. If you have anxiety about navigating these spaces with dementia, or need accommodation in order to feel safe, please don’t hesitate to reach out in advance and talk to a group leader about how you can participate most comfortably.

Dear Eric >> My husband of 50 years passed away suddenly last year. We had just moved into a retirement community. I still hurt deeply but not all the time anymore. My neighbor is facing a similar situation. I am beginning to feel an attraction. We have a definite bond and get along really well. Should I feel guilty about these feelings? I don’t know if it’s too soon or if it was meant to be. At least it gives me something to look forward to.

— Confused

Dear Confused >> Feel your feelings without judgment but proceed with caution. This could be the beginning of something very special, but you’ll want to make sure that you’re keeping communication open and moving at a pace that prioritizes where each of you is emotionally. Mostly, I’d encourage you not to rush. You’re getting to know your neighbor but you’re also getting to know a new part of yourself.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com