Dear Eric >> I have known “Mary” for almost 10 years. We have a strictly business/professional relationship which requires us to meet several times a year.

Although we don’t socialize, we do joke around and have small talk about family, pets, travel, movies, etc., when we meet. We’ve always gotten along well.

I know that Mary is gay (she has told me this). Based on our conversations, Mary has identified as female, although her physical appearance and clothing do not pin her to a specific gender.

At some point during the two months that I didn’t see Mary, she grew a thick beard that completely covers her chin. When I saw the drastic and sudden (at least to me) change in her appearance, neither of us said anything about it. We just talked as if nothing had changed.

I believe that Mary has the right to present herself as she chooses, and I am not at all uncomfortable with her having a beard. But I feel awkward pretending it’s not there.

My question is whether I should acknowledge the change in her appearance, and if so, what is the appropriate thing to say.

I don’t want to offend her by saying or by not saying something. If you think I should just ignore it, then I’m sure I can get past the awkwardness.

— Beard Etiquette

Dear Etiquette >> Because this is a strictly business relationship and because Mary hasn’t mentioned it, ignoring the beard as you would another colleague’s change in appearance is the best bet here.

As you note, there’s nothing wrong with the beard.

There are times, in professional settings, when a compliment on it might work out. But, in general, at work it’s best for everyone to keep small talk out of the realm of physical appearance.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com