Although Superman masqueraded as newspaper reporter Clark Kent, he never gave an actual and honest interview himself — until now.

Those of us of a certain age know that Superman, super though he may be, has aged here on Earth. The baby found by the Kents in the Midwest grew into the boy who lived in Smallville and later into the man who moved to Metropolis. It was obvious from the get-go that here on Earth Superman would be susceptible to the same ubiquitous darkness that awaits all earthlings: aging and eventual death.

Although DC Comics’ writers would have us believe that he died a few years ago, that was fabricated press. Superman, now nearly 80 years old on Earth, lives in quiet retirement among many aging earthlings in South Florida and agreed to this interview on the condition that I neither reveal his current assumed identity nor his present location in specific. Due to my promise to maintain his privacy, I shall call him “Superman,” a name he never gave himself or, as it turns out, thought about himself as being.

Me: Well, Superman, this is quite an honor for me. I read and cherished all the comics about you as a kid, and now, here I am, talking to you in person.

Superman: You might be a little too easy to impress. Most of that stuff was bogus, you know. Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster had pretty active imaginations. I read a few issues myself and kind of had a hard time identifying with their version of who I was.

Me: Wow! That never occurred to me. Most readers of those comics took them as literal and accurate descriptions of you, your history and your deeds.

Superman: Those DC guys were a bit more on the money about me than George Reeves on TV in the 1950s or Christopher Reeve, who tried to portray me in some films some years ago.

I did come from Krypton. They got that right. But the planet itself did not explode into nothingness soon after my father, Jor-El, sent me off toward Earth.

Me: Then why did he send you here?

Superman: My dad and my mom, Lara Lor-Van, were not getting along. They were arguing quite a lot, and although I was only a baby at the time, I sensed that things were really uptight in my home. I believe that my dad sent me to Earth because he and my mom were about to break up and could not agree on a mutually satisfying custody arrangement. Sending me away was a way to avoid an ugly court battle. So far as I know, they broke up and spent the rest of their lives in separate apartments with no child to argue about.

Me: I don’t think that anyone ever had any idea, Superman. That’s tough. In some later issues of the comics and in the films, you’re presented as having the ability to go to other planets, including, one would infer, Krypton should you want to. Did you ever think about going ‘home’ to visit your birth parents and to let them know what had become of you?

Superman: Oh, come on, David. You’re a trained clinician and work with kids. I expected you of all people to understand this. My father threw me away to avoid having to hassle about me. I was a baby and had no say in the matter. I was loved and raised by Mr. and Mrs. Kent. I regard them as having been my real mom and dad.

Me: How about all of your superpowers and abilities? Flying, X-ray vision, superhuman speed and strength? Were — and are — all of those things true?

Superman: Sure, those ones you mentioned are characteristics I somehow found myself with here on Earth. I can’t be sure, but I suspect that my fellow Kryptonians were quite normal by human standards and that something about the planetary relocation brought about these abilities in me. I believe that the comics got that essentially correct.

But then they went overboard, as you earthlings are so often tempted to do. I was described with abilities I certainly did not have or want. Time traveling was one of them. The idea that glowing green or red pieces of my native planet could actually harm me was quite ludicrous from the outset. I’ll grant those guys creativity, but biographers they were not.

Me: How about the villains? Did you ever actually meet and struggle with a Lex Luthor?

Superman: Sure, we had issues from our childhood. When two guys are interested in one girl, one usually loses out. Lex had a lot of feelings about that and never really got over it. I don’t really blame him. Had things been reversed, I might have grown up to become his nemesis.

Me: Why, with your extraordinary abilities, are you not spending time helping real people in the real ways that you can?

Superman: What makes you so sure that I don’t? (A sly smile is visible through the wrinkles at the side of his mouth.) I helped an elderly man cross the street just three weeks ago.

Me: Would you have done anything differently?

Superman: No, I don’t think so. The one thing that those comic strip writers and movie producers got right was that I have human-like emotions. That reality has been a source of both strength and vulnerability to me throughout my career. I wouldn’t have had it otherwise.

I might still be stronger than a mighty locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet, have the ability to change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with my bare hands and leap tall buildings with a single bound, but I just don’t want to do it anymore. Besides, I don’t know if all the crime fighting I did made much of a difference. Read the papers and look around.

I’m now old and retired. I plan to spend the rest of my life enjoying the sun and early-bird specials with my fellow aging citizens down here in the Florida sunshine.

And with that, we bid each other farewell, and I drove back to the airport wondering if a Superman might really be able to make any difference here in the United States right now.

David Reinstein is a San Anselmo resident. IJ readers are invited to share their stories of love, dating, parenting, marriage, friendship and other experiences for our How It Is column, which runs Tuesdays in the Lifestyles section. All stories must not have been published in part or in its entirety previously. Send your stories to lifestyles@marinij.com. Please write How It Is in the subject line. The IJ reserves the right to edit them for publication. Please include your full name, address and a daytime phone number.