Dear Eric >> Our youngest brother has made some poor decisions in his life, and he knows it. While he’s had a destructive life overall for more than 40 years, he is now a recovering addict but also has serious health concerns in his early 50s.

He finds himself on the verge of homelessness, in the early stages of some kind of severe illness (unable to work), and wants to move back home from out of state to live with our 92-year-old mother, who has her own health concerns. She has also provided a wealth of direct financial support to him over the past 10 years, but she doesn’t want him to suffer.

My siblings are having a hard time reconciling with him on his intentions, if he, in fact, does move home. We want to set up clear guidelines for his transition to other accommodations and support before he arrives, or share a plan of action. We don’t want him to think he can move into Mom’s and live there until after she passes away, because he can’t afford to keep up her home. He recently visited before the holidays and Mom had a hard time dealing with him for the three days he was there.

He is currently under some form of disability support, but he cannot afford his own apartment. We also have concerns he will take advantage of the property contents and pawn things for his own personal interests. This is a past practice. We plan to have a family meeting to settle some difficulties, but what would you recommend?

— Protective Son

Dear Protective >> The first priority should be making sure that your mother has the care she needs, and that includes protecting her from elder abuse. Prior to your family meeting, consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law to understand what things you can look out for and your legal options for protecting and supporting your mother.

It goes without saying, I think, but I’ll say it anyway: your brother’s plan is not a good one for anyone involved, you included. The focus of the family meeting, then, should be about exploring other options for him. As a group, you might look into what other forms of support might be available to him locally, both residentially and medically. Is it feasible for the siblings to supplement his rent — ideally, directly to the landlord so that it’s not misappropriated? There may not be great solutions that work for everyone and it’s not the family’s job to solve everything for your brother. But if he’s extremely ill, he needs more support than your mother or the family can provide right now. It’ll be important to create a plan based on that reality rather than trying to fix things once he’s moved in.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.