Unvaccinated in-law could take toll on son

Dear Amy: Our son “Tom” received a heart transplant 10 years ago.

He’s done great. He is very diligent about keeping in shape, taking his meds, and eating a healthy diet.

Tom’s wife, “Tracy,” works in a nursing home. Throughout COVID-19, they’ve both been extremely careful. Everyone in our family, including Tom and Tracy, were vaccinated.

Our family has been extra cautious because of Tom’s immunosuppressed status (and understand that because of that status, it’s likely he has reduced protection from COVID-19 even though he’s been vaccinated).

Next month, Tom and Tracy plan to share a beach house with her sister, sister’s husband, and their 3-year-old daughter.

Tracy’s father “Lou” will also be there and will be the only unvaccinated adult present.

Tracy says her father’s refusal to be vaccinated has caused some friction in their relationship and that, even though she’s disappointed in his choice, she doesn’t want to discuss it with him.

My husband and I are livid. What’s our role here? We’d like to contact Lou to let him know how his decision affects not just him, but also Tom, Tracy and potentially her nursing home residents, as well as his granddaughter, who is too young to be vaccinated. His decision could literally kill our son.

While it would be therapeutic for us to share our concerns, it’s unlikely to change his mind.

But saying nothing and giving him a pass doesn’t seem like the right thing, either. What do you think?

— Mad Mother

Dear Mother: It seems obvious that the two most medically vulnerable people in this beach house setup are your son and his father-in-law.

Yes, it seems at this point that you have little to lose in urging “Lou” to choose vaccination. No doubt, you would regret not speaking out if the elder man contracted the disease.

However, given your son’s extreme situation, his choice to attend this house party also deserves your careful examination (and comment).

As of this writing, the latest information from Dr. Rochelle Walensky, the director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is: “There is a clear message that is coming through: This is becoming a pandemic of the unvaccinated. … Our biggest concern is we are going to continue to see preventable cases, hospitalizations and sadly deaths among the unvaccinated.”

Dear Amy: “Surviving” described her experience of having cancer during the pandemic.

Like Surviving, I had my treatments during the pandemic last year when hospital and medical visits were my social life.

Working with nurses who compassionately and skillfully completed my treatments and answered my questions brought a close bond among us.

There can be a letdown feeling after chemo is completed, when you know you won’t see these nurses very often and after a while, not at all. I went through a grieving process, knowing that my relationship with the nurses was now changed, even though we celebrated the end of the treatments.

And unless you have gone through serious surgeries or other treatments for serious diseases, you don’t realize that just because treatment is over, the person may not be himself or herself for quite a while yet.

Each of us has to get through treatments in our own way and also get through the aftermath of treatments.

— Grateful for My Nurses

Dear Grateful: You describe an almost surreal topsy-turvy experience where because of the everyday isolation brought on by the pandemic, your contact with nurses and hospital staff during your treatment became a social lifeline for you.

Thank you so much for offering this perspective, as well as singing the praises of these wonderful nurses, who treat their patients through challenging times.

Dear Amy: Responding to people wondering how long a person should grieve, I buried my beloved wife in April, and was so lonely that I remarried the following February — happily. I’m 90 years old.

— Buddy

Dear Buddy: Congratulations and best wishes for a long and happy marriage!

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