Dear Eric >> I love my job but there is another employee there who likes to confide their life stories with me. It makes me upset and uncomfortable. I am a very compassionate person, but these stories are sad and depressing, which upsets my workday.

I try only to listen and not give any feedback. They also have asked for information on how to improve their job skills, which I have offered suggestions only to have them come back to me stating that the boss suggested other ideas instead. I would like suggestions on how to communicate with this person without hurting their feelings and keep the workday positive.

— Coworker Struggle

Dear Coworker >> Some professional distance will help here and stave off hurt feelings. Let’s start with the work advice. Since your coworker seems to be crowdsourcing career guidance, next time you’re solicited, redirect them. “I’m not the best person to ask; your boss will have a better understanding of your job functions and performance.” Or, even more casually: “I’m not the one handing out the raises, so you’re better off just going up the ladder.”

While getting coaching from peers is a fine idea, you didn’t sign up for this. A reminder of that, itself, could be helpful peer advice. Understanding what’s appropriate at work is crucial to job success.

Having personal relationships at work can make the job easier and improve one’s performance, but if the relationship is distracting you or bringing you down, you can pump the brakes by reminding your coworker about the standards and limits you’ve set for yourself.

It’s fine to be direct about this by saying, “Work isn’t the best place to talk about this and I’m not in the right space to hear it. Can we shift gears?”

You might even ask for a break in conversation altogether. “I can’t talk a lot today. I’ve got too much work to do.” While the issue for you might be the depressing nature of these stories, more broadly it will help your coworker to think through how much personal revelation is good for the workplace.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.