Dear Eric >> I have a 30-year-old friendship from high school. I am a woman, and my friend is a man. He got married to a smart, driven, friendly partner. She meshes well with our core group. They have been married for 13 years and have a 5-year-old.

The wife recently called me to tell me she wants a divorce and has proof of him hanging out with single females.

She told me he’s abusive, which is concerning and shocking. In speaking with her and trying to be supportive I said I’d reach out to my contacts for divorce attorneys she could speak to. I used to work in the legal field.

I have not yet provided her a contact. I don’t know if I made the right decision by telling her I’d get her other contacts. I feel like I inadvertently put myself on her side (if he’s been unfaithful, I am on her side). I want to support her, and at the same time confront my friend. Do I support the wife and provide her a contact, confront my friend or butt out?

— In the Middle

Dear Middle >> While giving her a contact isn’t totally neutral, it’s not the same as, say, volunteering to represent her yourself. So, I don’t see this as choosing sides so much as helping out a friend.

After providing the contact, however, you’ll want to draw a boundary around other issues relating to the divorce. Part of that also involves talking to your high school friend about what’s going on. While it won’t serve anyone for you to insert yourself into his marriage, you can talk with him about the ways you’re being drawn in, what you’ve done about it, and how you plan to move forward as this plays out.

But right now, the priority is making sure his family is safe. If confronting him isn’t going to further that goal, it can wait.

Dear Eric >> My husband and I have friends that complain about just about everything.

The speaker system isn’t good enough, so they won’t go to the theater; any meal out gets a complaint; the bed in our mountain home was too high; the meal I served wasn’t hot enough. On and on it goes.

The woman has asked if I still like her and why we don’t see as much of each other. I replied that we like different theater and different restaurants. I said they seem to have high standards.

Do you think it is necessary to address this further or can we just back away from doing things with them?

— Complaints Department

Dear Department >> Your friends may not realize how much they complain, but they know something is up. The woman’s question about if you still like her could be read as a sincere attempt to figure out what’s wrong in your relationship. By telling her what you experience and how it impacts the relationship, you’d be giving her the opportunity to change.

This isn’t your job, of course. But if you want to be her friend, it’s the only path forward.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.