Dear Eric >> I have a LOT of food allergies and sensitivities that include items that do not have to be claimed as allergens per the CDC/FDA on ingredients lists. One of the most frustrating things about this is trying to explain my very boring plate of plain lettuce sans dressing that is quite often the only reliable item on a menu that I can order when eating out with friends/acquaintances.

The worst symptom that happens if I eat the wrong food, is anaphylaxis; the most common and severe symptom is frequent, severe migraines that I largely control through a very limited diet. The migraines are always preceded by essentially losing my vision for an hour during the aura phase, and when left untreated can get pretty bad.

Additionally, I’m on meds for depression, so those don’t always mix well with other meds like rescue migraine meds. So, avoidance of triggers is my best option.

I typically avoid social gatherings to avoid people arching their brow and asking if the usually wilted lettuce is all I am eating (I love a good, rare steak and jacket potatoes spread as much as the next person, I just can’t trust that how the cook prepares it won’t trigger a migraine.). In fact, when I eat lunch with coworkers I always refuse to order out unless I know the place has reliably safe food that won’t trigger issues.

I frequently feel or am made to feel like I am making a big deal of the dietary issues, which is why I avoid food gatherings as much as possible. If I enjoy myself and ignore my dietary needs, I get horrifically sick. If I eat what is safe, there are invariably a lot of awkward questions about why I’m not eating, and I have to defend my public eating choices with the response of “Weird allergies and I don’t feel like needing rescue meds today.” I’m not sure what the better approach is here.

— Confused Migraineur

Dear Migraineur >> Depriving yourself of food you want and company seems like the worse option to me. So, let’s look at solutions that keep you feeling well while also keeping the social weirdness at bay. People do tend to have a lot of opinions about what others are eating, unfortunately. But it will be helpful for you to reframe the way you think about these interactions. Your allergies may be weird to others (or even to you), but you don’t have to operate within their narrative about you.

In response to the invasive questions, try these scripts:

Short and sweet: “Doctor’s orders.”

Spicy and saucy: “Surely there are more interesting things for us to talk about than what’s on my plate.”

Plain and healthy: “I’m happy with this; don’t worry about it.”

I know it’s annoying to get these questions but try to work on thinking of your responses less as a defense and more as a personal choice. You may be powerless against the allergies, but you do have agency over what you choose to share. You’re not making a big deal here; it sounds like you’ve been clear and even overly accommodating when navigating public eating events. Sometimes, with plates and with conversations, less is more.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com