Dear Eric >> I’ve been married for a few decades to someone who lacks self-awareness about the impact of his choice not to shower for several days, sometimes more than a week. He doesn’t even shower after he works out/runs. He also wears the same underwear for days at a time.

When I tell him he smells he says he can’t smell anything. Believe me, he smells.

He seems not to care or believe what I tell him about good hygiene practices. Maybe if he hears your opinion on the matter of good hygiene for men it might crack open a willingness to change.

Keeping the Windows Open

Dear Windows >> If he doesn’t heed your comments about his body odor, as someone who loves him and lives with him, I doubt he cares what I think. But here’s the facts: personal hygiene is personal, but one’s personal hygiene practices impact those around them. This is true of people who don’t bathe and also people who are fastidious about bathing and douse themselves in cologne, and everyone else in between. We don’t live in bubbles (metaphorically, or in your husband’s case, perhaps literally).

Beyond the odor issue, is there a communication problem here? Because if you’re telling him about an aspect of your shared life that’s causing you problems (and, frankly, a health concern), and he’s dismissing it, what else is he dismissing? Are there other concerns of yours that he doesn’t take seriously?

I’m not trying to problematize your marriage. I hope this is the only issue you two have. However, when a spouse brings up an issue, it’s always best for the couple to work together to find a solution. There’s got to be a way for both of you to be happy and happily share a space.

Dear Eric >> The letter from “Burning Questions, Not Hillsides”, who was trying to keep a friend from smoking in their backyard, reminded me of a little decorative plaque I made and used to display in my home years ago. I was a young adult and mother in the 1970s and 1980s when smoking was still common. I do not recall if I created this little verse or if I read it somewhere. (My apologies to the author if I inadvertently plagiarized.) It read:

“Welcome to our non-smoking home. If you are seen smoking, we will assume that you are on fire and treat you accordingly.”

I probably still have it packed away somewhere but thankfully would not need to display it in 2025.

Sign of the Times

Dear Sign >> I love a cheeky sign that also helpfully lets friends know how to be good guests.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com