Q My boss hired me four years ago to help build a unit in what was then a new company. We’ve been doing good work, but over the years, my boss’ behavior has led to multiple departures. It isn’t that my boss isn’t good at his job — he is. And he’s smart. But he’s a horrible manager and engages in gaslighting, false promises and outright lying, throwing people under the bus when things don’t go right, responding with contempt and aggression when disagreed with, and pretending he didn’t say things he said (like promising his team holiday bonuses that never materialized). A number of people have left, and maybe it’s no coincidence that they’re all women. My question is: Is it my duty to warn potential incoming employees about my boss’ behavior? And, if I leave the company at some point, should I say something to the higher-ups? The company is a very small one, and my boss has one of the top dogs wrapped around his finger.

— Anonymous

A Oof. This is … a lot. First, I’m sorry you have to deal with this. (I’ve been there, to a certain degree. And someone being smart has nothing to do with whether they are toxic.) Second, I don’t know enough about the experiences of your female colleagues to respond with any confidence as to whether their gender has anything to do with your boss’ behavior, though I’ve seen evidence of this with my own eyes in a few jobs I’ve had.

But to address the meat of your comment — I think that talking to your boss about his behavior will only engender more of what you describe as contempt and aggression, so don’t even think about doing it. He’s shown you who he is, full stop. What you have to do is figure out how to take it from here.

One: I would not seek out potential incoming employees to share your observations and experiences with, but I also wouldn’t hold back if asked. It also doesn’t sound like you’re particularly anxious to leave — you say “at some point” — but I think you should take into consideration just how much longer you’re willing to tolerate your boss’ toxicity. It sounds like a challenging place to work.

Two: If you’re not documenting your boss’ behavior, start doing so. Now.

Three: You mention that you’ve helped build your company from its startup days to where it is now, which, as you describe it, is a positive place. From this vantage point, I think your experiences will count for a lot, even to the “top dog” you mention your boss has wrapped around his finger. So I’d seriously consider communicating with this higher-up both face to face and with a follow-up email reiterating your observations about your boss. If this top dog has concern for the future of the company — it’s possible that your boss’ behavior could be grounds for a lawsuit — he or she will take what you have to say seriously. I also think that the top dog probably isn’t aware of how your boss behaves precisely because your boss puts on a much different, more manager-competent face when the top dog is around.

I don’t believe that your boss, whom you describe as smart, doesn’t know what he’s doing. I think he probably knows, but can’t help himself, which is not so much an excuse as it is a piece of information you can use to your advantage when talking to the higher-up(s) or to human resources. It’s one thing for toxicity to exist in a workplace; it’s quite another when it’s unmistakably pathological. There should be no tolerance for bullies in the workplace, no matter how successful their other contributions may be.

Anna Holmes has appeared in numerous publications, including the New York Times, Washington Post and The New Yorker.