Dear Eric >> My husband passed away unexpectedly at a young age. I am a few years younger than he was, so of course it was a shock. The problem is a friend, “Nancy”, discussed details surrounding his passing I would not have shared. It created the additional stress of people I hadn’t heard from in years contacting me and I clearly didn’t inform them.

Everyone who finds out immediately has intrusive questions and they seem offended when I tell them I won’t be answering any more questions. “Nancy” tries to insinuate that I am not OK because I refuse to answer any more questions. We led private lives before, so it’s not like they were accustomed to asking nosy questions and getting a response. I have blocked the worst offenders and even someone who lashed out saying I should be grateful I was able to get married because she can’t find a husband. How should I handle all of these inquiries that I don’t want to discuss? I am already doing therapy for grief by the way.

— Young Widow

Dear Young Widow >> I’m sorry that Nancy breached your trust. That’s not right and it puts you in a position you shouldn’t be in at any point and especially not while you’re navigating grief.

Blocking people who don’t respect the boundaries you’ve set is a good step. Their behavior shows a profound lack of compassion — and just plain common sense. You don’t need them in your life.

If these inquiries are coming from members of a friend group, or a community you’re also a part of, this may be a good opportunity to take a break from them. You need to be around people who understand what you’re going through and respect your boundaries. Moreover, your life should not be treated like gossip fodder. If they don’t understand your withdrawal or press you about it, refuse to engage. “This isn’t something I’m open to discussing. Thank you for understanding.” And then stick to it — no further comment, no follow-up questions. Physically remove yourself if you need to. They may talk, but their narrative doesn’t have anything to do with you.

If you have a trusted friend or family member who can act as a social buffer for you, or even help you filter out unwanted social media messages or texts, lean on them. With so many intrusive comments and questions, it may be hard to remember what’s really important here: you need and deserve the space and time to process and to heal.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com