Dear Abby >> I am 57 and have been married for 32 years to my husband, who retired from his full-time job last year. I still work full time. Since his retirement, he has been going to a bar once a week or so, spending a few hours visiting with the customers and staff.

One of the staff has taken an interest in being his “buddy.” My husband is outgoing and somewhat flirtatious. The staff member is a younger, female bartender who he invites to our home bar for drinks. They have also established a social media relationship and send text messages.

When I had an out-of-town trip planned, they concocted a plan for her to come over for cocktails with another of our friends. They planned to keep it a secret because “I might become upset.” I found out and DID become upset and have remained so.

I have discovered other messages, and I no longer trust my husband. I don’t think they are in a physical relationship, but despite his reassurances, I can’t let go of what might have been shared about me and feel a deep sense of betrayal. How can I move forward?

— Suspicious in Washington

Dear Suspicious >> What the bartender and your husband are doing is inappropriate. It might be worthwhile to ask her employer whether there are any rules about their staff socializing with patrons outside the establishment. As to your lack of trust in your “flirtatious” husband, under these circumstances it is understandable. Marriage counseling may help to repair your relationship. Offer him the option of going with you, and if he refuses, go alone.

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