Dear Abby >> I have anger issues that were passed down among the men in my family. My mother is a strong woman and wouldn’t let my father get away with too much, but still, the impact is there. As a young adult, I realize I am exhibiting some of the same behavior as my dad.

I’ve never raised a hand to anyone. I can hang onto my cool when arguing with my girlfriend. I usually ask her calmly to lower her voice and change her tone. When she gets animated, I feel bottled up. I would never forgive myself if I did something I regret. I want to raise children and be a devoted father and husband. I envision myself as a strong, dependable person within my family and friend circle. Please give me some tips on keeping angry outbursts in check. Thank you.

— Joseph in Massachusetts

Dear Joseph >> You are an intelligent and insightful young man, and for that I congratulate you. You didn’t mention what causes the arguments with your girlfriend. Recognizing the cause of the flare-ups can prevent them from erupting. Saying, “We both feel strongly about this. Can we discuss it another time?” and going for a walk can help regain a calmer perspective.

Your father’s outbursts are another matter. He could be someone who takes out his frustrations on innocent people around him. While anger is something everyone experiences at one time or another, most people learn to control it during childhood. Clearly your father didn’t. The excuse that it “runs in the family” is unacceptable. Threats of violence are intimidating. Acting on them is against the law.

We are living in a time when the level of anger in our society has reached new heights. As we have seen all too often in the media, explosive anger is the most dangerous of all. I have mentioned before that perhaps dispute resolution and anger management should be taught in schools.

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