Dear Eric >> Six months ago, I eloped with a man I had been dating for two weeks. We are now expecting our first child together.

I am a student, and I work part time. He works full time. He has this friend that drinks and gambles. Every night my husband wants to go watch his friend gamble and drink (my husband doesn’t really do either).

The friend is on Social Security and constantly asks for money, which he doesn’t always pay back.

My husband and I have been arguing a lot about this friend and the time and money he spends on him.

We are living paycheck to paycheck. We have three kids from previous relationships, and the one on the way. Financially, we are struggling, but my husband still gives his friend free rides all over town and money to gamble and buy alcohol.

It also makes me really sad that after I spend all day at school and then all evening at work, the minute I get home, my husband leaves to spend time with his friend. When I brought it up, he told me to get my own friends, and it wouldn’t be an issue. Please, help. What do I do?

— Brokenhearted

Dear Brokenhearted >> You’re in pain and it won’t help you for me to belabor the past, so I’ll simply say that neither of you put enough consideration into this relationship before tying the knot. Now, things that might have come up while dating and living independently are creating marital strife, which can have far-reaching impact.

But it’s not too late. With regard to your finances, have a budget conversation with your husband in which you both outline shared goals, strategies and values. Is all money that comes into the house shared money or only a portion? Do you have a strategy for saving for the new child or any other goals?

Starting off with general objectives around money will help keep you both from getting mired in debate about the gambling friend. If, for instance, you work out a budget that accounts for every dollar, then you don’t have any extra to loan to the friend.

Money can be an emotional subject, and the loans are clearly touching on an isolation you’re feeling in the marriage, as well. Have a separate conversation about what you want and need from a married partnership and ask him what he needs. What can you two do together to create meaningful experiences and draw closer? You’re seeing him pour time into his friendship; your marriage won’t flourish if you both aren’t pouring time into it as well.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com