For sale, a used but improved computer

Jehosophat! My computer is inefficient. It is too slow. It does not answer my questions correctly or consistently. Sometimes it hangs up and I have to reboot. Sometimes it does not do what I tell it to. Clearly, major change is needed and fast!

I have begun a major effort to improve its performance.

There are clearly significant issues with “deep motherboard.” I selectively removed various portions of the components on the board to see if that improved things. A friend suggested that I consult the manuals and circuit diagrams, but that is clearly impractical as it would take a long time and I do not really understand electronics anyway. I started with any component that seemed to be from outside the USA or was dark in color. Next were the female connectors. Then I went after any component that changed state. (I understand that something called a transistor does this when we know there are only two states, on or off, and changing is an immoral act.) Other portions of “deep motherboard” decided to oppose me. I replaced many existing components with those from Federalist Inc., but continued to be frustrated by extreme radical resistors.

Undaunted, I hired a friend who made a fortune in marijuana. We attacked the useless functions that waste resources. There is no need to display color, everyone knows that things are really only black or white. I disabled the clock because everyone knows less regulation is better. Then I zapped the anti-virus software (and stocked up on Vitamin A and hydroxychloroquine). I sawed off the left side of my keyboard. Finally, I went after data storage as the computer refused to accept my alternative facts. I made my computer great again!

Would anyone like to buy a used but improved computer?

— Tom Thomas, Louisville

Canada might actually be able to fix United States

The March 17 Daily Camera opinion cartoon pointed out that if Canada became the 51st state it would have 54 electoral votes. Although it would involve great sacrifice, I think our Canadian friends (even if characterized by Trump and Vance as enemies) should negotiate about joining the US. However, the Canadian position should be based upon each of Canada’s 10 provinces and three territories becoming a state. I think that with 26 U.S. senators, Canada might be able to fix the U.S.

— Michael Shea, Boulder

My humblest apologies to George W. Bush

For all those years, all those epithets, all my rantings and ravings, I am now truly sorry. Everything you did, everything you accomplished, pales beside the goings-on of the butt now warming your seat behind the Resolute desk.

Yes, I disagreed, but I never questioned your motives or your allegiances. So as a brief nod in the direction of my guilt, how about you now speak out against the antics of you-know-who? That would be greatly appreciated…

— Amy Kaplan, Boulder

DEI got lost in culture wars

Here’s the thing that I believe we are getting wrong about DEI. I thought about it after reading two books last month. “Canyon Dreams” about high school basketball on the rez. And “The Warmth of Other Suns” about the Great Migration of blacks from the Jim Crow South to the war factories in the North. Both are great reads.

On the rez there are incredible kids who are dealing with alcoholic parents, getting up early to feed the sheep, staying up late to finish their studies, but all that lack of sleep and added stress get them a B average instead of an A average. How do you account for that without DEI?

Black kids in urban ghettos have the same issue. How do they compete for scholarships or jobs with white kids living in Scottsdale who have all the advantages? How many great kids are we going to lose now? There was/is a valid reason for DEI. But it got lost in the culture wars.

— Michael Clinton, Longmont