Dear Eric >> In 2012, my father died leaving valuable land as part of his estate. After selling the property, I paid off my two daughters’ homes, saving them more than $500,000 in future payments.

My ex-wife and mother of my daughters passed away a couple of years ago. She had a son by another husband. Her will and trust were drafted to leave her home and more than $400,000 in cash to my daughters and their stepbrother in equal shares. However, the stepbrother went to my ex-wife on her deathbed and whined his way into receiving all of her estate, minus $30,000 for each of my daughters.

My ex-wife told my daughters that I would be expected to leave everything to my girls upon my demise. My ex-wife was always controlling and manipulative, and I see this as her last grip on my life by putting me in this position.

I remarried 15 years ago and I intend to see that my wife has the financial stability to live comfortably the remainder of her life.

Am I wrong for feeling that my ex-wife went to her grave thinking she’d hamstrung me with regard to my children and their expectations of being “taken care of” in my will and trust?

— Willed to Give

Dear Willed >> You’ve been backed into a corner from beyond the grave. Spooky. Your ex-wife’s will and trust is an unchangeable document. Whereas you, as a person who is still alive, have the ability to reset relationships while there is still time.

You should tell your daughters about the situation that you’re in and how it makes you feel, but focus on what the plan is moving forward instead of rehashing inherited hurts.

What do your daughters hope to receive from you? Are there expectations that you feel are unfair? Do they think that your wife/their step-mother shouldn’t have as great a share as they do?

These can be very hard conversations to have but they get more painful and potentially more damaging when one person is no longer around to have the conversation.

On that note, your ex-wife may have constructed this situation to get at you or she may not have been thinking about you at all. You’ll find happiness, or at the very least peace, by releasing her. She can’t do anything else to you, good or bad.

There’s a lot of monetary figures in your letter. Remember that while money can help us show what we value, it’s not the only way and it’s often misconstrued. Don’t put a price tag on your relationships or hope that a will can convey your intentions. Have the conversations you can now.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com