My husband was livid and drove the three hours to bail him out and bring him home. When they arrived, our son was sullen and unapologetic. Despite multiple discussions, he accepted no accountability whatsoever.
My husband and I decided to cut his monthly allowance in half moving forward, which would basically force him to work more hours at his part-time retail job in order to pay his rent. Our thinking was that he needed to have less time to get into fights outside of bars.
Our son complained endlessly about it being unfair and has now given us the silent treatment for over a month. Besides confirming that he’s alive via text message, he won’t return calls or emails, and he did not show up at a recent family function.
My husband is starting to think our punishment was too severe. He wants to back down. I do not think my son has learned his lesson. I believe he is playing us. Am I being too harsh here?
You should clarify where you stand regarding his behavior and offer him an opportunity to affect the outcome. Email him: “We’ve decided that if you pay all court costs and keep your grades up next semester, we’d be willing to discuss resuming our previous financial arrangement. Understand that receiving a middle-of-the-night phone call is an experience every parent dreads. We were shocked, scared, and disappointed in your behavior. We all make mistakes (ask me about the time I skipped my bio-chem final to go to a U2 concert); however, part of the process of turning the page is to take ownership of what you’ve done, in order to do better in the future. So far, you don’t seem to have done that.”
After you send your email, don’t chase him for a response. If he continues to sulk, understand that he is not yet the grown man he will someday be.
Most meal gatherings I go to conclude once dessert and coffee have been served. For some reason, half of my guests decide it’s time to move to the living room and continue for several more hours. Usually these last holdouts stay three or four more hours after dessert.
I am exhausted, I still have major cleanup to do and really would like to invite everyone to leave once dessert is over. But how?
You should ask stragglers to help with the cleanup. Give them jobs! And you take a seat and drink in your own hospitality. If you want them to leave, you should say, “Well, this has been wonderful, but I really need to pack it in. Can I help you find your coats?”
I, too, had a 30-year friendship that was suffocating. Many times, I thought about to how gracefully exit. Then came the day I made a major life decision that didn’t include him. He dropped the friendship like a hot potato. I don’t miss him at all. Sometimes friendships just run their course.
PREVIOUS ARTICLE
