Dear Eric >> My spouse recently died, leaving me with a substantial financial estate. Now I have to decide what to do with it.

We had no children (we were a male couple). My spouse had three younger brothers, two of them still living, and I feel closer to those two than to any of my own relations (I am an only child).

The youngest brother and I have been friends for years, and he has two children and two grandchildren, all of whom I am very fond of. I am seriously considering leaving a large part of my estate to that brother’s children and grandchildren. The oldest brother is childless.

The problem is the long-deceased third brother, with whom I was not close. I have never had a good relationship with his widow, and I have a friendly but not close relationship with each of his three children.

Meanwhile, the youngest brother’s children have always called me “Uncle” and communicate with me regularly. The children of the other brother never communicate with me.

If they weren’t my spouse’s nieces, I would have no relationship with them at all. But I am concerned about possibly causing problems within my spouse’s family by favoring one brother’s family with substantial bequests and ignoring the other family.

I suspect that if my spouse had survived me, he would have split the bequests much more equally among all of his brothers’ children. However, it is my money now, and I don’t really want to give it to people toward whom I feel no actual warmth.

Any suggestions of what to do when I meet with my lawyer to make the will?

— Uncle Dilemma

Dear Uncle >> I’m sorry for the loss of your spouse. I’m glad that you have family to lean on. I’m also glad that you’re planning to talk to a professional who can look at the legal and financial specifics of your situation and advise you.

We can’t control what people do with bequests or how families react. So, if your nieces, with whom you aren’t close, feel some entitlement to an inheritance from you, that’s on them to deal with.

You’re deciding based on your emotional reality and the relationships that you have, which is absolutely fair. Ideally, bequests shouldn’t be seen as “repayment” for familial kindness, but they’re also not owed simply because you see each other at the holidays.

I’m curious about your suspicion that your spouse would have divided things more equally. That’s something that you should drill down on. Why would he have done that? Do you feel you owe it to him to honor that wish?

If so, it may help you to think of your will as a reflection of both of your values and split the difference. On the other hand, if he had strong feelings about the way the money was passed down, perhaps he could have talked it through with you or made a provision in his own will.

There’s no wrong way to do this, but when you talk to your lawyer, trust your gut and compose a will based on the relationships as they are now, knowing that if things change, you can adjust it.