Dear Abby >> I have a 16-month-old who has recently learned to walk. My mom was watching him one day a week while I worked part-time, but she ultimately decided it was too much stress on her back and said she could no longer lift him. Lately, she has been telling me I need to “train” him to do certain things in order for her to watch him without lifting him (e.g., climb into his own car seat). Abby, he’s too young to consistently do anything like that.

It’s no longer possible for her to put him in his car seat, lift him to put him in his crib, high chair, etc. She’s being very pushy about me finding alternative ways to do things that ultimately will make more work for me. I think it would be safer and easier to pay an able-bodied caregiver.

Talking to her about this has become stressful because she calls me “crazy” for thinking this is a safety concern. If we are at the park and he does something unsafe, I pick him up and remove him because he is not yet a reliable listener. How do I discuss this with her in a kind but firm way, and is my concern valid?

— Lifting Him Up in California

Dear Lifting >> You are not crazy! Of course your concerns are valid. Your son is years away from being able to do what your mother is suggesting. End those discussions. She needs to be told kindly, but firmly, that you know she loves her grandson, but he needs more hands-on care than she is able to give him, which is why you ARE hiring someone to do it.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.