Dear Eric >> I’ve been with my husband 25 years, married the last seven. We have children from prior marriages, and I have six grandchildren.

He was abused as a child and has worked in therapy to process it, but then stopped. He lost one grandma early and had no bond with his other. I had great grandmas and therefore enjoy the grandparent roles. He appears jealous and negative at family events unless he is the center of attention.

I notice my children reaching out to him to connect. He is very successful in his career and likes admiration. I am connected to his children and acknowledge their needs, making sure they are noted when they visit. They are younger and don’t have kids yet.

My children lost their father years ago and encourage his grandpa role, but my husband is jealous of their deceased father. Yesterday we attended my grandson’s birthday party, and he was sullen and pushed to leave early. He’s not speaking to me today to punish me. I do not reinforce this childish behavior by begging his attention. I continue to enjoy life, remain cordial and connect with others. I have my life and career at 70 but he puts a damper on joy.

— Joyful Grandmother

Dear Joyful >> Good for you for not putting up with this behavior. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of work to understand where he’s coming from and to help him to feel comfortable. But some of his behavior bears the hallmarks of emotional abuse, which puts this in a different category.

Specifically, his jealousy, his push to have you both leave a family gathering, and now the silent treatment. He may not have the tools to handle the emotions he’s feeling, but he needs to know that these tactics put you and your relationship in danger.

Though he didn’t have good grandparent or parental relationships, there are resources available to help him break the cycle and learn new tools. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) has steps to take and advocates who can help him navigate a change. Restarting therapy, with a focus on the way his behavior is impacting his family is also a good option that he should definitely take.

It’s important that you have the support you need to continue to feel the joy of parenthood and grandparenthood. Please don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend or the Hotline to share what’s going on and get help in talking to your husband.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com