Dear Abby >> After years of disappointment, I finally found the man of my dreams. How do I tell him he isn’t doing certain things right in the bedroom without it being uncomfortable? I have mentioned it before, but it didn’t stick. This is the only problem with our relationship. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make either one of us uncomfortable, but he’s just not getting the job done.

— Working on It in Tennessee

Dear Working >> I will assume that the man of your dreams loves you and wants to take care of you. Although this may be a difficult topic to address, communication is very important. Ask your doctor or gynecologist for a referral to a licensed sex therapist, then tell the man you love you would like him to accompany you. If he loves you, he will go and learn something. If his ego gets in the way, have the conversation about what you need at a time when you are both calm and relaxed, and communication is easier — NOT in the bedroom.

Dear Abby >> Today, I asked a man with a black mole on the side of his face if he had been checked for skin cancer because I come from a family with a great deal of skin cancer. The man was very patronizing and told me I should just go sit down. My husband previously ignored my concerns, but he did listen to a friend who was concerned that his dark mole could be pre-cancerous, which it was. Was I wrong for bringing this to the stranger’s attention?

— Proactive in California

Dear Proactive >> If you said it in the context of explaining that your husband had something similar that turned out to be cancerous, I don’t think what you did was wrong. It may have been presumptuous but it was also well-intentioned. He may have reacted the way he did because it made him self-conscious.

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