DEAR ABBY >> I have been in a relationship for five years. It started out wonderful, but now I’m having second thoughts. He keeps putting my kids down and telling me I’m a bad mother. It’s so bad he has even put a knife to my throat. And, yes, he hits me. I need help.

— Lost and Afraid

DEAR LOST >> The man you are involved with is a dangerous abuser. What you must do next is quietly contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233 or visiting thehotline.org for help in formulating an escape plan.

It has been some time since I printed the Warning Signs of an Abuser. For anyone who hasn’t seen this list, these are classic indicators. Read on:

1. PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT >> Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” Pressures for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. JEALOUS >> Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.

3. CONTROLLING >> If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS >> Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

5. ISOLATION >> Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.”

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS >> It’s always someone else’s fault.

7. MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS >> The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I am angry,” or says, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY >> Is easily insulted. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN >> Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability.

10. “PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE DURING SEX >> Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

11. VERBAL ABUSE >> Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

12. RIGID ROLE OF DOMINANCE >> Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS >> Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

14. PAST BATTERING >> Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person “made” him (or her) do it.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE >> Says things like, “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “Everybody talks that way,” or “I didn’t really mean it.”

Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.