I didn’t like junior high school geography. If I had a choice in the matter, I would have jumped at the chance to suffer through triple periods of science if it meant not learning anything about Greenwich Mean Time, enclaves and exclaves and diasporas. Moreover, I would gladly run for the entire period around the track under a blazing sun.

The teacher was a nice man who did his best to make geography come alive to a bunch of adolescents engaged in January 6th-style monkeyshine. So I’m not using him as a scapegoat. Without a doubt, the poor man could have doubled his salary by landing a job as a cartographer for National Geographic, a short drive south in downtown D.C. Also, he wouldn’t have the specter of Back to School Night hanging over him.

It wasn’t until I was in my 50s that I embarked on a deeper, more satisfying appreciation of the Blue Planet. For example, on a fact-finding trip to my ancestral homeland, Greece, I learned that it’s lawful to show up for work whenever you darn well please, provided it falls during a 24-hour cycle that ends in the word “day.” I learned that Canada, our soon-to-be 51st state, stretched at least as far north and west as Toronto.

Call me a hopeless flag-waver, but I never dreamed the all-American game of baseball, our national pastime, would start teams up there. Much more recently, I read where the Alpine Visitor Center in Rocky Mountain National Park, is the highest facility of its kind within the National Park System. (It’s 11,796 feet above sea level, which makes it 11,796 feet higher than what I like.)

My go-to guy is maestro John Stalick. It was he and Aristotle who invented wisdom and common sense. When I grilled him on why so many people are clueless about basic geography, his comeback surprised me. “Because it’s boring,” he said, leaning forward in our booth, over fresh-brewed Panera bean juice. Obviously, John didn’t want to offend anyone who didn’t know easy stuff such as how Longmont is surrounded on all sides by towns that begin with “L.” (Read Genesis 1 for more on that).

Of course, I like John’s bluntness. If I didn’t know him and his thought process, it would have landed with a thud, much like the Democrats. To say that John’s a globetrotter would be putting it mildly. Matter of fact, he’s been to so many countries, the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency was, by law, compelled to invent more, just so he would have something to do while collecting frequent flyer points. John’s tromped through drafty Medieval castles and cozy Italian and French villages. He’s served our country’s security goals as an eavesdropper stationed in Pakistan. Not too shabby for a man who grew up in Wyoming with indoor plumbing.

John and I just for fun, came up with a list of geography-related questions. See how many you can answer correctly. Warning: No Google searches permitted. You will have to consult an old-school encyclopedia for the answers. But, enshrined laws are made to be ignored. The answers are at the bottom.

1. Where is Tierra del Fuego? 2. In which direction is Wyoming? 3. How many stars are there on the American flag? 4. How many Rhode Islands can fit into Alaska? 5. What state is D.C. in? 6. Where is Cape Canaveral? 7. Where is Kansas? 8. Where is Yellowstone National Park? “Trick question,” John declares. 9. Where is Devils Tower? 10. Where is Natrona County High School? What makes it significant? Bonus question: Where is the Gulf of America? Another bonus question: How many countries are in North America? One more: Where is Colorado Springs?

“We’re missing an understanding of the world,” scolded John. “Most kids don’t want to know. Who cares?” The younger generation, we agreed, has the world at their fingertips, texting and zooming with others on other continents without stopping to contextualize the experience. “The average consumer,” he continued, need know nothing more than the route they take “from where they live to where they work.”

As I write, I’m staring at a giant wall map of the world, published by National Geographic. There are places called the “Russian Federative Socialist Republic.” There are also countries called Czechoslovakia, Austria-Hungary and South Vietnam. I must have fallen fast asleep in geography class, because I’ve never heard of any of them. On the flip side, if any of them began with an “L,” that would make me feel right at home.

1. An archipelago shared by Chile and Argentina 2. North 3. Thirteen (but it could change) 4. 425 5. It’s not in any state; it was created from land donated by Maryland and Virginia 6. Florida 7. East of Colorado 8. Wyoming, Montana and Idaho 9. Wyoming…again! My apologies, but John’s obsessed with his native land 10. Casper, Wyoming. It’s John’s and former vice president Dick Cheney’s alma mater. It was added to the National Register of Historic Places in 1994. Bonus: America and Mexico Bonus: 23 Bonus: Colorado, although John’s lobbying to have it moved to Wyoming. They can use his truck.

It figures.

Tony Glaros, originally from Washington, D.C., is a longtime reporter and former educator. He says living on the Front Range sparks euphoria.