Dear Amy >> Four years ago, my daughter and son-in-law cut off all contact with me.

I am a recovering alcoholic, but I relapsed and moved in with my sister.

She and I got into a fight, so I moved out, but I didn’t have anywhere to go so I asked my daughter if I could stay with her and her husband until I found a place.

After two weeks with them I moved back in with my sister, which was a mistake.

To make a long story short, I started drinking again and tried to kill myself.

I went to a behavioral health center and got help.

Now I am doing great, but they still won’t talk to me.

I have been sending cards to them for birthdays and Christmas. I don’t know what else to do. My daughter is my only child.

I have been sober for four years now, and I go to AA meetings.

Your advice?

— Sober Mother

Dear Sober >> You have been through a lot, and your family members have also been pulled through the wringer.

You are participating in your continued recovery by attending AA meetings (good for you!), so presumably you are familiar with the 9th “step” in this famous 12-step program.

This has to do with making amends to people you and your addiction have harmed.

Have you made sincere amends to the people in your life? If not, you should do so now, through a genuine inventory, detailing specific episodes you now regret, and asking these family members to tell you whatever is on their hearts, and hopefully to embark on their own path toward forgiveness.

Dear Amy >> I am wondering whether I am being too sensitive.

My mother and sister passed away a year ago. Both had terminal cancer and suffered enormously prior to passing away.

Nice folks have expressed their “condolences.”

For some reason, I am not comfortable with this term (although I appreciate it).

I would prefer that they instead tell me that they are sorry that this has happened, or say nothing and just give me a soft look of understanding..

I realize that most folks are not comfortable expressing their responses to one’s sorrows — they feel helpless — so I may be expecting too much.

— Still Grieving

Dear Grieving >> I think you are expecting too much. Not everyone can manage to communicate through “a soft look of understanding,” and for many grieving people, silence leaves them more bereft. Thoughtful people know they should try to say something to a grieving person.