Many columnists have considered writing about transgender bathrooms and wisely decided, “Nah.” Some topics simply aren’t worth the crazy.

But, this week, I was feeling a little zany and thought, “Oh, why not?”

Republicans’ recent obsession with the who and where of restroom business took me back to my first and, as far as I know, only transgender bathroom break about 20 years ago. I was in the ladies’ room (still my preferred term) of a downtown Washington office building. She and I were both washing our hands at sinks a safe distance apart. Otherwise alone in the spacious room, we glanced toward each other, smiled, rinsed our hands, hit the hand dryer for a deafening several seconds, and left the room.

Alive!

How did I know she was a trans woman (male-to-female, for those just tuning in)? I didn’t, at first. I did notice that she was well over 6 feet tall, which is rare in a ladies’ room. She also had broad shoulders for a girl. And she wore a little more makeup than is common in newsrooms. Like me, she was partial to pearls.

Only later did someone in the office inform me that “she” was a former “he” and was, in fact, a well-known trans person who had written openly about her transition. I also learned that she had served in the military before transitioning and was an admired asset for her knowledgeable coverage of military matters for Knight Ridder newspapers.

I was prompted to write this column in part because of an online photo I came across that was said to show several trans men (female-to-male because, yes, it does get a little confusing if you’re not yet fluent) who would have to use the women’s restroom in a world designed by South Carolina Rep. Nancy Mace. (The photo seems to have been taken down.) The once-sensible Republican, initially taking a stand against just one trans woman who will join the House of Representatives in January, Democrat Sarah McBride of Delaware, struck her own best Washington-crossing-the-Delaware pose and vowed to protect women in federal public restrooms.

Of course, all members of Congress have their own private restrooms, but Mace was looking out for the powerless, voiceless women who traverse the marble halls of the Capitol and must on occasion, at least theoretically, relieve themselves in the company of a transgender person. Not on Mace’s watch.

The hysteria over transgender restroom usage stems from the fear that a man claiming female identity could throw on a dress and go to a women’s restroom and assault little girls. This fear is usually dusted off around elections or when a legislative body is considering antidiscrimination laws that would protect members of the LGBTQ community. Contrary to myth, however, there seems to have been no correlation between increases in public restroom crimes and liberal laws related to transgender restroom use, according to PolitiFact (in 2016).

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not sanguine about restroom protocols. I dislike unisex bathrooms for the exceedingly sane reason that I wear cute shoes. Standing in a puddle of urine in footwear intended for polite spaces can only be viewed as irrational. When I ask menfolk to remove their shoes before entering my house, I’m not worried about vegetative detritus.

But I assume that trans women who have gone though the rather grueling process of transitioning must also prefer to sit. Would that all men would.

So, looking at the online photo of grinning guys I saw, all I could think was, Don’t you dare come into my bathroom. They’re men, you ninnies. Let them go to the men’s room. Ask yourself: What woman on the planet would prefer to use a men’s bathroom? Exceptions to the obvious answer reflect urgent need, not a hankering for urinals and puddled floors.

If you want to see a herd of women run shrieking from the ladies’ loo, it will be because one of those guys in the photograph was forced to go where he isn’t welcome. And just think of the reverse. Born-male women now must go to the men’s room? What could go wrong?

I don’t know why the United States of America is so worried about this. Kidding. I remember that we just had an election, and nothing gets the Republican base frothing like The Transgender Issue. Few people in strictly heterosexual circles raise an eyebrow when someone like Mace targets the tiny minority of people who are surely living some of the hardest lives imaginable. I liked her better when she was protecting monkeys.

If we really must “go there,” why not change restrooms from male/female to stand/sit? That ought to shake things out. Or, cutting the comedy, why not try to help people understand that transgender people are not primarily interested in raping and pillaging, but would like to use the bathroom like anybody else? People who erase their maleness usually don’t behave like men, which is a good thing, right? And females who become males, well, all I can say is, “Honey, be brave.”

Kathleen Parker’s email address is kathleenparker@washpost.com.