Dear Eric >> I’m 51 years old. I’ve been dating “John” for two and a half years now. After a year, he moved in to help with the mortgage. Most of the time he pays but if he misses a month and I ask about it, he gets angry which I find to be a very strange reaction.

If I ever get mad about something he turns around and gets mad at me and often blames me.

Most of the time he works from home and is on many Zoom calls a day. He says the work is better than he could have imagined. But in this time, we have been on zero vacations together. When I ask him about taking a trip together, he always says I should go because he is too busy and to stop being antagonistic.

We have had dinner with mutual friends less than 10 times. He seems to be a workaholic. He likes to watch movies with me and occasionally have dinner out together. I’m flattered he wants to spend time with me but sad we have no community together. I feel bored and uninspired.

He doesn’t share anything about his financial situation. He is very secretive. When his parents are in town, he has dinner with them at 5 p.m. six nights a week for a couple months. I find this excessive.

— Not Sure About Being Single Again

Dear Not Sure >> Not to be too blunt but I’m confused about what you’re getting out of this relationship. Part of the reason for the move was financial, but he is inconsistent and angry about mortgage payments. He makes a lot of time for his parents and work, but no time to build a relationship with you.

There’s a difference between being a workaholic and being a person who isn’t prepared to be an equal partner in a relationship. It seems he’s the latter and if he isn’t interested in learning how to show up for you, you have to show up for yourself and show him the door.

Dear Eric >> Over the last 30 some years, I have been very generous with a sibling who has never been in very good financial shape. I have sensed a certain contempt from her and her family about my generosity. I get a thank you or an acknowledgment maybe half the time.

She is very short-tempered and regularly needles me about things that happened 20 or 30 years ago, snarky comments about stupid little things I did that made her angry.

After many years of letting it go, I find myself very angry about her ungratefulness and her attitude toward me. I have always felt sorry for her and wanted to make her life better but maybe in doing so I’ve made her feel bad about herself.

— Funding Family

Dear Family >> Money talks, but it mumbles a lot, so we have to be especially clear in our communications around it. Cutting back on your generosity is fine, but it’s not going to get at the root issue and is likely to be misconstrued.

It will help a lot if you can both have a conversation that’s focused on the way you feel about each other and about your relationship. You need a place to work through your resentment and she likely does, too.