Q I have been dating a man who works at the same company as I do since 2021. Our relationship has since developed and it has been almost three years now. We love and trust each other and since we are both in our mid-30s (an age considered appropriate for marriage in Korea, where we live), we have decided to get married next year.

For the past three years, I have kept the fact that I have a boyfriend a secret from my coworkers, even my close ones. There are several reasons for this, but the biggest are that I didn’t want to be the subject of office gossip and I wanted to avoid the potential awkwardness in case we broke up. During this time, some coworkers have suggested that I meet their single friends. Sometimes I feel guilty, as I realize that I may have deceived people who truly care about me.

Now, as the time has come to openly acknowledge my relationship, I’m feeling anxious and unsure. Do you have any advice for me?

— Anonymous

A I admire your restraint and discretion; I’m not sure that most people would be able to keep a romantic relationship with a colleague under wraps for even a few months, much less a few years. But my advice is pretty straightforward: Announce your engagement to your coworkers and explain that until now, you’ve needed to be tight-lipped about the relationship to keep things professional and uncomplicated in the workplace.

How to break the news? This is no doubt a big part of the reason you’re feeling so anxious. I’d start with approaching one of your closest, most trusted colleagues and taking the person’s temperature, not just about your news but how to best share it with others. There’s something interesting about getting advice from one of the people you’re so nervous about revealing information to about to how best to reveal that information to others. See if your coworker thinks others should be told in person — separately or in a group — or in writing. Your colleague will no doubt appreciate the gesture.

You didn’t mention whether you and your fiance hold the same status at your company or if one of you has a more senior role. This feels relevant because it is going to be taken into account by your coworkers as they process the news about your relationship.

No matter how you approach the revelation of your relationship, you should be prepared for the likelihood that you’ll be the subject of office gossip. It’s natural that people will react to such substantial news with a desire to discuss what they did, or did not, intuit about your relationship status over the past few years. Give them the space to do so while giving yourself enough grace to dispense with any lingering guilt.

Also: Don’t put pressure on yourself to justify your decision to keep your relationship a secret. An explanation should be enough.

I suspect that some of your coworkers will have hurt feelings. After all, no one wants to feel, as you put it, deceived. But those close colleagues who truly care about you will understand and respect the predicament you’ve been in. Just don’t tell them that you’ve been concerned about office gossip; the implication will be that they lack discretion, and it’s likely and understandable that they’ll find such an assumption offensive.

One last thought: You might want to consider going to your company’s human resources department before you reveal your relationship to your colleagues. Though I don’t think it’s crucial, doing so would signal to HR that you’re committed to communicating openly, if need be, about other aspects of your relationship that may need to be shared.

You might also get some much-needed advice about how to approach the rest of your colleagues with your (good) news.

Anna Holmes is an award-winning writer, editor and creative exec whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including the New York Times, Washington Post, and The New Yorker.