We can’t talk about blame without talking about power. All forms of blame strip us of our power at the exact moment we’re usually needing a sense of control in our lives.

We’ve covered self-blame and how it keeps us small, blaming others and how it keeps us stuck, and today we cover the third type: blaming the world.

This is a tricky one because the world is not a fair place. Unjust things happen. Systemic inequalities exist. Every day, there are heartbreaking tragedies, disasters, and atrocities that occur all over the planet.

As a human who cares deeply about the good of all people, equity and equal access, and universal human rights, I recognize the mindfulness required to hold true to our values while not slipping into a place of blaming and judging the world. But first, let’s explore what this type of blaming looks like and what it costs us.

My client, Susan, had a hair-trigger. She couldn’t help but explode when she saw people doing things like going through the express checkout lane with a cartload of items, cutting people off when driving, and not picking up after their pets. She would “see red” and find herself confronting the person or stewing about it for hours.

“I feel like I have to make them understand their mistake and fix it. It all happens so fast. It’s not how I want to be, but I just am constantly triggered,” she said.

When we focus on fault-finding in the world, we are wasting our time, energy, and attention on things that are generally outside of our control. It’s like throwing our most precious resources into a black hole; there’s no ROI on a move like that.

At the same time, there’s something alluring about the righteous anger and justification that comes with railing against what is wrong in the world. It feels important. It feels right.

This is where focusing inward instead of outward can help. We need to unpack the times we get pulled into blaming the world, ranting about what is happening, and shaming those we see as wrong. We can begin to identify the core needs and values at stake. Our emotions can help with this — anger points to something needing to be protected or restored, sadness signals that we are letting go of something that matters, and anxiety alerts us action is needed. By slowing down, we can redirect our energy from blame and shame to intentional responses.

What might be possible if we start asking ourselves, “Who do I want to be in the world?” instead of “What do I want the world to be for me?”

While Susan was longing for more ease in her life, she was suffering because of her reactivity. With practice, she shifted her focus from what was wrong in the world to what mattered most to her. As she practiced observing rather than reacting, she experienced more ease and found more energy for what truly mattered: her family and community. Though still human and occasionally irritated, she now chooses her response and feels more in control of her emotions and actions.

Finally, let’s differentiate between blaming the world and being in your power to advocate for what you value. When we are blaming, we are rarely in meaningful action. We might be vocal and forceful, trying to shame others into changing their behavior. But, if you’re like me, you’ve discovered this is not an effective strategy.

When we are in our own power. We are neither in denial of the pain and injustice in the world nor are we overwhelmed with outrage. Instead, we are clear on our own values and committed to finding the most effective paths to facilitate change. Each of us is called to different forms of contribution and impact. When we step away from blame, we can start to embody the person the world needs us to be.

Where are you tempted to blame the world? When do you find yourself depleted and hopeless? What happens when you start to ask yourself, Who do I want to be in the world as it is now?

I aim to provide compassionate and practical guidance. Submit below if you’d like my perspective on your question or circumstance in a future column.

Tiffany Skidmore is a mental health and life coach who specializes in life transitions and anxiety. Email your questions and feedback to tiffanyskidmore.com">tiffany@tiffanyskidmore.com or submit them anonymously at tinyurl.com/thelifecoach. Visit tiffanyskidmore.com to learn more.