Dear Readers >> On Jan. 12, I published a letter (“People Pleaser”) from a first responder who was hesitant to start therapy for PTSD and marital issues because of anxiety about not doing therapy right. I wanted to share the following two responses to that letter in hopes that the letter writer, and anyone else struggling with the decision to get help, might find some hope and support. You are not alone.

Dear Eric >> My son is a first responder and was having similar feelings. Fortunately, he came to me and mentioned it pretty casually and vaguely. I told him he should set up an appointment with his primary care physician just as a starting point. He did some diagnostic testing in the office, and he did have some PTSD and anxiety. I also suggest “People Pleaser” could get tools to deal with these on-the-job stressors by starting there.

Secondly my son felt the same way of not wanting to speak with coworkers, friends or close family about how he was really feeling for fear of not being “the best.” He inquired in a neighboring county and found first-responder group therapy where he didn’t know anybody else. Just what the doctor ordered and he discovered he had many of the same thoughts and concerns as the other individuals.

— Proud Firefighter Mom

Dear Mom >> A primary care physician is a great, and confidential, place to start. Additionally, I love the suggestion of finding a support group, particularly one away from home so that any social anxieties aren’t acting as deterrents.

Dear Eric >> I’m a 22-year police veteran with a divorce under my belt, countless memories that I don’t want and a concern for fellow first responders. My second wife and I nearly divorced about a year ago, and we are still working very hard to keep moving forward. I was in a terrible state myself, wondering how I could take care of my family if I wasn’t around to do it anymore. I ended up finding an amazing marriage counselor. My wife found her own therapist, and I found one of my own. I finally discussed things about my past that I’d sworn I’d never talk about, and once the seal was broken, it became so much easier.

My advice to PP is to, of course, seek therapy, but he should find someone that has some experience with first responders. The letter writer should also be seeking marital counseling. Your agency may have a Peer Support Program with their EAP. TRUST the process. Medication may help in the short term. There are lots of options out there. The Concerns of Police Survivors can provide numerous free resources as well.

— Got Help

Dear Help >> I’m so glad you found support and I’m glad you’re still around to share these great resources and this encouragement. Thank you!

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.