Dear Abby >> I lost my husband in the middle of last summer. He had a long illness with strokes and Alzheimer’s, and he was horrible to me. Out of our entire 40 years of marriage, we had only four good ones.

Over the last three years, a gentleman from work would help with things around the house that my husband could no longer do. He would talk to both of us and then go on his way. I took care of my husband 24/7 for the last two years of his life.

I see this man at work all the time. He lost his daughter around the same time I lost my husband. We carpooled and talked a lot. I bought him a tree this year for Christmas with presents (everyone in the vanpool gets presents).

The day after Christmas, we celebrated together. We have been together every day since. He treats me well. My children adore him. My ONLY hang-up is that because he hasn’t dated for more than 20 years, he isn’t very affectionate. Other than that, he’s great to me. If I mention that I like anything, he’ll buy it for me.

Do I take a man who has a hard time kissing and hugging me because he shows affection in other ways, or should I move on? I have lots of family, so even though I would be alone, I would never be lonely.

— Wondering in the West

Dear Wondering >> The man you have been seeing has a lot going for him. I don’t know why he isn’t affectionate, and neither, it appears, do you. Please have a calm, straightforward chat with him. Tell him how terrific you think he is, but the fact that he’s not physically affectionate (describe exactly what you mean by that) has been a continuing problem for you.

He may not know how or not be able to give you what you’re looking for, but it would be a shame to end the relationship over anything that was unsaid.

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