Dear Eric: My mom, 75, has been living with me and my husband for five years. One day she said she was selling her house and said she was moving in with me. She had always talked about it, and I told her, when the time came, she could move in as long as she added a room and a bathroom to our small bungalow. She had plenty of money to fund this.

Well, five years later, there has been no addition and now she doesn’t have the money to do it. We have no privacy and share a bathroom.

Three months ago, my son, 22, had a spinal cord injury and is now paraplegic. They are optimistic about his recovery, but it will take a long time.

My mom recently came to me crying, asking to go to a nursing home because I don’t have time to take care of her. Truth be told, I didn’t “take care” of her before his accident. All of a sudden, she’s helpless and says she can’t get to the kitchen to get her own meals, but she gets there just fine when I make her food.

I feel like she is trying to force me to take care of her even though I know she is completely capable of caring for herself. I feel like she’s jealous of the time I’m giving my son. I feel like I should call her bluff. I don’t want to regret it later, though.

— Full House

Dear House: Depending on the level of care your mother actually needs, if any, a nursing home or a senior living community might be a great option. The largest risk, from your telling, would be emotional. Her behavior suggests an ongoing pattern of emotional manipulation that would surely pop up again no matter how content or taken care of she was in a senior living community.

That might be something you just have to compartmentalize and deal with, preferably with the help of a family therapist. Because right now, your whole family’s energy is going toward caring for your son. That is the person whose needs are most pressing.

If your mother wants to move someplace else, let her. It’s not a punishment. But, as much as you can, make her an equal participant in the logistical planning so there’s less fodder for complaints down the road.

Dear Eric: My adult son “Aaron” has been using drugs (meth) for the past two years. Thankfully he has finally quit, but the drugs were replaced with alcohol. He turns to me for help constantly; financial, emotional, everything. He’s 48 but acting so immature. I realize addictions are complicated and he could benefit by in-patient treatment.

“Somehow” he keeps avoiding treatment, ending up couch-surfing or in shelters, at my place, in the ER, psychiatric wards or other friends’ floors while doing these intermittent binges.

How can I “support” him without enabling him?

— Concerned Mom

Dear Mom: I like to think about support as akin to holding a nail while another person hammers it into a half-finished piece of furniture — it’s aid in achieving a goal. Enabling is like handing a person a completed chair. Support for Aaron can include being emotionally present for him, listening to him, asking him what’s getting in the way of seeking treatment. This is going to be painful for you and for him, but there are alternatives to ultimatums that may prove effective in your son’s case.

Send questions to eric@askingeric.com.