Dear Eric >> Many years ago, I was married to a woman who, after we divorced, admitted she cheated on me with a married man. She asked for forgiveness, and I took her back.

Nevertheless, it didn’t work out and, fortunately, we didn’t have kids, so it was easy to finally get out of the situation. I’m happily married now, and I hear she is too.

I discovered some old photos that my mother saved that triggered some unpleasant memories.

I contacted my first wife’s brother and sister and told them that their sister was an adulterer who wrecked two marriages, mine and the guy she cheated with.

The only person who doesn’t know is her father, who is now an elderly widower. On one hand, I feel he should know the true story of what happened with his daughter and me. On the other hand, I think that it’s enough that the brother and sister know. Should I just drop it and move on? Tell dad the real story?

— A Picture and a Thousand Words

Dear Picture >> If you don’t move on, you’re going to be actively inviting the kind of chaos and unhappiness into your life that you sought to escape by leaving your marriage. So, please don’t continue to tell her family members about what she did.

In fact, it’s best if you don’t communicate with her family at all. You’re no longer in a relationship, so this kind of reaching out isn’t appropriate.

It’s understandable that the picture brought back hard feelings, but I’d encourage you to talk with a friend or with a therapist about how to better manage them. Trying to besmirch your ex-wife — even with the truth — isn’t going to make you feel better. It’s going to create drama and strife for people who aren’t involved.

With respect, it sounds like you want revenge. Judging from your experience, that’s a conceivable emotional response, but you can’t stop there. Even if the family reached out to you, wondering what went wrong, you don’t need to engage.

There are things that are unresolved for you from this marriage, but you won’t fix them by staying in the conflict. Give yourself the gift of freedom by processing what you’re feeling, finding healthier ways of managing those feelings, and leaving the marriage and its injuries in the past.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com