Q My small engineering company has been acquired by a larger company. My position is in senior management, and I am highly valued by my clients.

The acquiring company initially told us it was business as usual; now it is treating us like a new toy. We can’t contribute to decisions even though we are the ones affected. I feel as if I’m on a slow-moving freight train heading for a crash.

I am very stressed and unhappy, as well as overworked and now undervalued. How can I convince the company that it needs to build our trust and bring us along — or do I just start polishing my resume?

— Anonymous

A As someone who has never worked at a company that has been acquired by another, I decided to call on a friend, Laing, who has worked in corporate environments and as a partner in a private equity firm that acquired promising companies in order to position them to best perform (and then sell). Perhaps most important, my friend has a master’s in organizational psychology.

It’s important to start spending more time with your new boss to understand what is most important to him or her and how he or she measures success, Laing told me. Then, take what you’ve learned, think deeply about it and come back to said boss to describe what you see as the gaps in opportunity and goals you think are important. Not just for the company, but for you.

“Setting herself up as someone who can help the rest of the team understand and trust could give her a sense of control and make her valuable to the new organization,” Laing said. If you’re met with resistance, it may be time to go. But it’s “absolutely worth trying.” After all, people make a lot of assumptions based on fear, assumptions that get in the way of communication and success.

“If nothing else, she’ll sleep better knowing that she’s tried her hardest to make it work,” Laing said.

Gender equality, except in sales

QI’m in sales at a tech startup known for its strong commitment to gender equality and diversity — except in sales. In sales, the team is entirely made up of 45- to 55-year-old white men, all dads.

I’m a child-free 37-year-old woman, and the challenges are real: My ideas often go unheard until a male colleague repeats them and gains the credit. On cross-departmental calls, my deals face more scrutiny, with my male solutions engineer being consulted instead of our department head trusting my judgment. One colleague called me “the mom of the sales team.”

Ironically, I took this role as a step back from management, and there’s no reason I should be treated as junior. Yet I hesitate to speak up, fearing being labeled a “problem.”

— Anonymous

AMy approach here is to counteract a male colleague and interject with something like, “Doug, I’m glad you agree with me.” Then reassert control and power by reiterating your idea and owning it without apology in front of the group. If your manager gives credit to Doug? I think you are well within your rights to push back, in a firm but friendly way, and say something like “I just want to point out that the idea was mine, not Doug’s.”

I hate that I have to say “firm but friendly.” But I do. Because women are judged by a different set of standards, a set that involves not just effectiveness but attitude.

I think you should consider approaching your direct manager with your concerns about being treated as junior and feeling discounted, and make it clear you’re not asking for special consideration. It’s very likely your department head hasn’t noticed a thing. You might want to remind him that a big part of the reason you love your job is because of the company’s commitment to gender equality and diversity. You want the sales department to put its money where the company’s mouth is.

Anna Holmes is a writer, editor and creative exec whose work has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post and The New Yorker.