Dear Eric >> Is it normal for an unmarried man over 60 to want a baby? Where should he look for a marriage-minded young woman willing to accept the age difference? How should he deal with the social stigma against May-December relationships?

— Ticking Biological Clock

Dear Clock >> Anyone who is thinking about becoming a parent would be wise to ask themselves what’s at the root of that desire, how a child can fit into their life and lifestyle, what skills and traits they have that would benefit a child, and what skills they can learn to help them be a better parent. In short, they should go into it with eyes as wide open as possible. If you haven’t already, start by asking yourself those questions and see what comes up.

Wanting to be a positive force in a child’s life and to feel the unique love that comes from being a parent is quite natural — if it wasn’t, the species would be in greater peril than it already is. Investigating your feelings will also help you to be a better potential partner and prepare you for conversations with said partner about being an older parent and the stigma of May-December relationships. Be honest on dates and dating sites about what your hopes are and why.

The questions might also lead you to another answer: perhaps you want to be a positive presence for a child in another way, like volunteering, fostering or engaging more with relatives and friends and their children. Try to be creative in your thinking. (Every parent will tell you that creativity is key anyway.) Maybe you don’t actually want a baby (and the 4 a.m. feedings that come along with a baby). Maybe what you’re really yearning for is family. There are so many different ways to create and grow a family.

Dear Eric >> I have a different suggestion for “Ready to Help”. This is for the grandmother who wants to visit her grandchildren and daughter whose mother-in-law now apparently resides in the guest room: Surely the daughter and her mother-in-law must have undergone some trauma to get to this current housing arrangement. It seems cruel to ask the mother-in-law to leave so granny can visit.

Perhaps a workable idea would be for granny to ask daughter when she could visit that would be of help to her, insisting on staying at a (hopefully) nearby hotel. Granny could offer to take the kids out for some quality time alone with them to a park or museum or to any possible after-school, games, club or activities. This visit could also include the kids staying overnight for an “adventure” at the hotel with the grandparents, and give the daughter a much-need, much-welcome break.

— Another View

Dear View >> Thank you for these suggestions. I wholeheartedly agree. If it’s within the letter writer’s means, a hotel stay is a great start. More importantly, as you pointed out, there’s an opportunity to relieve some of the tension in the house by being sensitive to the mother in-law’s situation and asking the daughter what would be most helpful.