Heh.

“A lot of families (in L.A.), the smarter one usually comes over here and the other one goes to the other school,” Foster deadpanned before Monday evening’s practice at UCLA. “... I mean, it’s proven. This is the No. 1 (ranked public university, per U.S. News and World Report). I’m not making up anything. This is proven fact.”

Asked whether he has any friends from that private university across town, Foster didn’t even wait a beat: “No. Not one.”

That was a fib, actually. A former Tustin High standout, Foster remains friendly with former USC quarterback Carson Palmer, his former Santa Margarita High rival turned college rival. And Keary Colbert — a former Trojan receiver who played pro ball with Foster on the Carolina Panthers — is a pal: “Probably my closest Trojan friend, and he’s USC all the way through.”

And Foster bleeds Pantone 2383 C; unable to abide by the color red, even on reporters who have worn it to cover practices.

Foster couldn’t even let “that man from the Yankees” go unchecked. He spoke up after Aaron Boone, the former Trojan turned New York Yankees manager, joked before the World Series against UCLA alumnus Dave Roberts’ Dodgers: “So as we all know in here, you’re a Trojan for life; you’re a Bruin for four years.”

“This is for life,” shot back Foster, the Bruins’ lifer, after his team beat Iowa on Nov. 8 – its third consecutive victory coming a little more than a week after Roberts’ Dodgers beat Boone’s Yankees.

“UCLA has been taking care of me for a long time,” Foster said. “And people wouldn’t come around, alumni wouldn’t want to be around if they haven’t done the same for them. This is a great university, and I just think that we’re lucky that we’re all able to be Bruins.”

So, yes, of course he has a dinner bet with his frenemy Colbert hinging on the result of the 94th chapter of this L.A. rivalry story, its long-standing importance front of mind for Foster.

“I want to send my seniors off the right way, you know?” he said. “I want them to win their last game in this rivalry that we have ... send them off the right way.”

In addition to long-term bragging rights, more immediately, the Bruins need to clean up their penalties, because the ‘E’ has been overriding the ‘D’ in Foster’s motivational pillars of “Discipline. Respect. Enthusiam.” They need to figure out how to finish strong: If they win their next two games, they’ll become bowl-eligible. And if they can do that, they’ll have finished the season 5-1 after starting 1-5 against a gauntlet of good teams, which would really help sell Foster’s program.

Win and the Bruins keep their dream alive and also put pressure on the Trojans. It would set up a must-win for USC in its last game, against Notre Dame, to qualify for a bowl – a consolation prize for a team that was fancied among the favorites to compete for a spot in the 12-team College Football Playoff.

Still, though, better than the alternative for the Trojans, who turned the page at quarterback in their 28-20 victory over Nebraska last week, when Jayden Maiava accounted for four touchdowns.

USC is hoping its more mobile quarterback can help run off three consecutive victories to close the season and at least put last year’s 8-5 overall record back within reach – while extending another streak that has gone on for five seasons now in this UCLA-USC rivalry: Visitors leaving victorious.

That includes in 2022, USC’s first season under Lincoln Riley, the Texas native by way of Oklahoma, when the Trojans beat UCLA 48-45 at the Rose Bowl. And last season, when Riley’s team proved a disinterested host, losing 38-20 at the Coliseum (and leaving then-UCLA coach Chip Kelly’s many detractors conflicted).

Naturally, Foster would like to break the pattern Saturday. And he’d like to do it in a “rockin’” Rose Bowl filled with more blue than red.

“Bruin fans,” he cautioned, “do not sell your tickets to those other people!”

Even – or maybe especially? — if you grew up playing with those people. Or live next door to them. Or sit across the table from one of them at dinner!

Don’t hold back; let that proximity breed contempt. That’s what a good old-fashioned, throw-away-the-records rivalry is about, after all.