Dear Eric >> I work in a small department with two colleagues, including one named James. James has always been challenging to work with due to frequent errors and an unpredictable emotional temperament. Despite this, we have remained professional as he didn’t seem malicious.

As a hobbyist crafter, I recently agreed to create a wood carving for him free of charge to honor a deceased loved one. However, a situation recently arose where James shared confidential information with our boss – information he wasn’t supposed to have. Our boss initially assumed I was the source of the leak and was extremely upset. While I have since cleared my name and the true source was identified, I discovered that James allowed our boss to believe I was responsible for the duration of a 20-minute conversation without correcting him.

When I confronted James, he admitted to it but offered no apology or explanation. Now, I am struggling with how to handle the wood carving. I’ve considered giving it to him unfinished and explaining that I can no longer complete it, but I’m worried that might come across as petty. At the same time, I feel taken advantage of.

I always value your balanced and empathetic perspective and would appreciate any advice you have on how to handle this.

— Betrayed Coworker

Dear Coworker >> Your hesitancy around the favor you’re doing for James makes sense. His actions suggest a lack of integrity or, worse, a callous disregard for your professional well-being and reputation. Being petty would be understandable. But giving him the unfinished piece probably wouldn’t get you the resolution you need and could contribute to an on-going difficult work situation. In a department as small as yours, and with a person who has a history of being challenging, it’s better to be direct.

To that end, I suggest addressing the conversation he had with your boss again. You can say something like, “I want to have a working relationship with you but I’m hitting a roadblock because of this thing that you did. I feel betrayed and uncomfortable. It’s difficult for me to get past it because I don’t understand why you did what you did?” He may come up with something or he may not. You can decide if what he says changes the way you feel. If you still feel the same way, it’s fair to say that. “Our working relationship has changed because of this and while I will continue to be professional, I don’t feel comfortable doing outside projects for you and so I won’t be able to complete the craft project we discussed.”

I also recommend you circle back with your boss about this and make sure that the air is clear between the two of you.

Dear Eric >> We have a family member who has worked in public service for decades; think fireman, policeman, EMT, paramedic.

They have been let out of tickets for years and years. Because of that, they have a driving record with no blemishes at all which is not reflective of how they actually drive.

As our family member has gotten older and the time for them to stop driving is upon us, we have little recourse because their driving record is clean.

We by no means believe that every infraction deserves a ticket but letting repeat offenders off because of their connections is a dangerous practice, putting the public, the offenders and the offender’s family at risk. What can we do?

— Unsafe Roads

Dear Roads >> If you’re concerned about the way that this family member, or anyone is driving, you can make an anonymous report to the Department of Motor Vehicles (or Department of Licensing, Department of Transportation, et cetera) if you have direct knowledge of an incident or a pattern.

However, if you have a more immediate concern, i.e., the family member is driving erratically or is impaired, call 911 and alert them.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.