In a time when technology facilitates much of our social connection (especially since the pandemic), many of us have found ourselves in seasons of loneliness. We can interact with dozens of people a day, yet feel disconnected. We can be in a roomful of people, but feel utterly alone.

Loneliness is a universal human experience, but it has gotten more complex in recent times. One thing remains constant —humans need connection with others to thrive. Loneliness arises at various points in our lives — in our younger, middle, and later years. It’s not always a problem that has a clear solution. Today, I’m starting a series that examines the most common types of loneliness I’ve encountered, as well as tools that might help. The first type of loneliness is one I’ve danced with multiple times in my adult life: New Phase Loneliness.

Those experiencing this type of loneliness might be thinking, “My life is changing and/or I’m becoming someone new and no one gets it.” They are in the midst of a major life change or internal shift — in the uncertain gap between who they were and who they are becoming. This type of loneliness can happen during life transitions (career change, moves, becoming empty nesters, retiring, etc.) or amidst internal changes that require a shift in values, priorities, or worldviews.

At the start of a new chapter, it can be disorienting to also feel lonely. Well-meaning loved ones might try to offer us silver linings (“at least you…”) or advice amidst a big life change that leaves us feeling unseen, unheard, and alone. Others might even push back on certain changes, saying things like, “I miss you who used to be.” Ouch. (This is one I’ve been on the receiving end of, and oooh-weee did it sting…like having my growth treated as an offensive flaw).

If this resonates, here are some tools that might help while in the tender space of New Phase Loneliness:

Create a good ending to whatever chapter is closing. This could be making a list of things you’re grateful for, even as you leave them behind; writing a goodbye letter; or making a list of accomplishments and lessons learned from the chapter of life or the version of you that is now coming to an end.

Next, allow the experience of the “in-between” to be what it is — journal about it, talk about it with a professional or a loved one who can listen and ask good questions, or simply stay aware of what this part of the journey is like without judging it or trying to fix it. It won’t last forever, even if it feels like it might.

Finally, ground into what’s next. This might be seeking out stories of those who have journeyed a similar experience through books, podcasts or support groups. You might also start identifying what matters most in your next chapter and imagine how you want to feel once you’re settled into it. Allow your feelings and values to guide small, daily actions that will help you find solid ground in the new phase of your life.

Hold an intention to find people who can walk with you in this new phase. Allow grace and space to those in your life who aren’t able to support, listen, or seek to understand you — some relationships will evolve with time and carry on, while others might fade a bit into the background. The truth I return to often: loneliness in transition isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong — it’s often a sign you’re doing something brave.

I always remind myself whenever I’m in the midst New Phase Loneliness, that all transitions (even chosen or desired ones) require energy and discomfort. It’s normal to feel stretched and a bit lonely. And, there are things I can do to help myself in the process and to find the connection (to myself and others) that will be supportive.

Are you in a season of becoming that feels lonely? What would it look like to extend yourself the same compassion you’d offer a friend navigating big changes?

I aim to provide compassionate and practical guidance. Submit below if you’d like my perspective on your question or circumstance in a future column.

Tiffany Skidmore is a mental health and life coach who specializes in life transitions and anxiety. Email your questions and feedback to tiffanyskidmore.com">tiffany@tiffanyskidmore.com or submit them anonymously at tinyurl.com/thelifecoach. Visit tiffanyskidmore.com to learn more.