My first memory of the holidays was being wrapped by my mother in a yellow quilt with tiny white flowers delivered by Santa, the sweet smell of pine tickling my nose. I am a Jew deep to my core even though it was discombobulating to see the glisten of our Christmas tree lights and a menorah as a child. I weep now along with others over the world on fire, and it becomes ever more important for us to try and find a semblance of health and healing during the holiday season.

We all have our memories of years passed, some as comforting as a warm quilt, perhaps some wrapped in sorrow. Thus, we can’t avoid greeting this time of year with the wonder and perhaps pain of the past, the scurry of the present and anticipation of the future. That emotional and rocky landscape inevitably provides a challenge to our emotional health and peace of mind. As a psychologist, I have the opportunity to share in the lives of others on an intimate level. The stories are all individual, yet often the message is similar during the holidays. It is difficult to navigate through a sea of internal and external expectations, excitement and disappointment, family togetherness with joy and conflict, isolation, and social celebrations topped off by disheartening and tragic news feeds.

My work demands a greater understanding of skills for stress reduction in my own life and that of others. My focus is how our internal world of our thoughts and feelings interact with the inevitability of a wild world on the outside. It is how we react and respond to that world that can help create more peace of mind. I heard someone say when we are locked in our heads with chants of self-criticism or feelings of not being good enough, “we become locked in a phone booth with a lunatic.”

Such self-criticism where we resist kindness and empathy for our imperfections and internal challenges will cut us off at the knees as we attempt to cope with life — holiday stress and way beyond. Voices of unworthiness are like hitting our head with a shovel and simultaneously expecting us to heal our wounds. Acceptance that we are all bozos on the bus just trying to find our way helps the inner critique grow quieter so we can listen compassionately to the words of the heart. As we work with these thoughts through awareness of the “lunatic” and negative messaging and attempt to be kinder to ourselves, we will have the strength to navigate the “situation room” of our lives. Many of these situations we cannot change but our thought patterns can be refigured. We are saved by the existence of neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s ability to reorganize and change the furniture so to speak to design a more loveable perception of ourselves and others. It is not an easy task but important for the reduction of stress. So much is out of our control, yet how we treat ourselves and one another remains in our jurisdiction. I encourage frequent practices that release us from the “phone booth,” and release us from that sense of unworthiness. It is learning how to treat ourselves as we would a tiny infant or any vulnerable pure little being. That takes a repeated focus on presence and alignment with that purity we were all born with. That sense of worth allows us to feel more deserving of self-care to then be better able to serve others.

Many may argue that taking time for ourselves may be selfish when we feel there is so much to do and accomplish. Yet actually it is more selfish to deny our needs. Because in the end, self-deprivation depletes us of the energy to care and love others which is the utmost in selfishness. Different forms of meditation, yoga, mindful exercise, time in nature and creative endeavors all bring us to a heart space of loving presence. More recently I have found the healing nature of sound baths where we are bathed in the rhythm and vibration of gongs. They encourage a relaxation into the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing stress and quieting the voices of judgment and criticism. Of course, which activities we choose to maintain a practice of healthy self-care are individual and abundant. However, its importance for emotional and physical well-being is not open for discussion.

It is interesting to note that the Merriam-Webster Dictionary identified the most researched word of 2023 as “authenticity,” which is an all-important ingredient in self-acceptance and stress management. Our ability to connect to the strength of our authentic selves and the inner power of love, quieting voices of negativity, allows heart-to-heart connection with others. And it is by joining together that we are better able to manage the challenges and conflicts we are facing. Authenticity is key to our mental health and well-being, and a perfect word to ring in the New Year. It is woven into the fabric of a soothing warm yellow quilt with tiny flowers forever embracing us with a sense of hope.

Priscilla Dann-Courtney may be reached through her website: priscilladanncourtney.com.